Nightmares and Dream men
by csi-87
Summary: Sara suffers from a recurring nightmare causing her to reenter her past and she uncovers a tragedy she didn't know existed. A story all about Sara's past with lots of cool GSR scenes as well!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or any of its characters. I also don't own the song Love don't live here anymore, that's Madonna's, and is used for dramatic and entertainment purposes only, so please don't sue me!!

Chapter 1- Nightmares and dream men

She tossed and turned under the heavy duvet, a restless body trapped in a never ending nightmare.

_You abandoned me, love don't live here anymore._

_Just a vacancy, love don't live here anymore._

"Why don't you talk to me anymore? I'm here, I'll listen."

"What's the point? You won't be able to help me."

"Well you won't know until you try."

"Just leave it will ya?"

_When you lived inside of me,_

_There was nothing I could conceive,_

_That you wouldn't do for me._

_Trouble seemed so, far away,_

_You changed that right away, baby_

"I, um, found this number for you."

"What is this, A.A? You think I've got a drink problem now? Do you wanna know why I drink so much? 'Cause of you! You annoy the hell out of me you stupid bitch! I'm NOTHING like those people! I don't have a problem!" The ripped paper pieces fell tot the floor like confetti.

"It was just an idea James. I'm going to say goodnight to our daughter."

_Love don't live here anymore,_

_Just emptiness and memories we had before._

_You ran away, _

_Found another place to stay, another home._

"Who is she? A co-worker? Old family friend? Or just a girl you liked the look of?"

"Don't talk to me like that Laura!"

"Why, because I'm right?"

"I'm not in the mood for this."

She stood in the doorway. "We are gonna sit and talk about this James. It ends now." She was knocked to the floor by the punch across her cheek.

"You're damn right about that." He staggered upstairs, and the girl lay down next to her mother and sobbed gently.

"It's ok sweetie."

_In the windmills of my eyes, everyone can see,_

_The loneliness inside me._

_Why did ya have to go away, don't you know_

_I miss you so, I need your love._

"What's all this?"

"Honey, go upstairs for me. I need to have a talk with daddy." The girl climbed the stairs and hid just out of sight.

"Well?"

"We're going away."

"When are you coming back?"

"We're not."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to spend everyday fighting you. I'm tired James. We both know this ended months ago. I don't want our daughter living like this."

"Like this? I always buy you everything you need! Clothes, food, school stuff."

"It's not about money! She knows the inside of that hospital better than her own bedroom!"

"You're accident prone."

"You actually believe the bull we give the neighbours?" She walked over to a bag and began to pack food away.

"Why am I the one getting the blame?"

She turned to face him head on.

"Because you're the one who hits me! Not our daughter, or the neighbours, or the damn dog! You!"

"I told you before, it's the drink."

"You told me two months ago you didn't have a problem." She headed to the kitchen. His nostrils flared. He stormed in to the hall and grabbed one of the battered cases. He headed for the stairs. She hurried out of the kitchen, still clutching the bread knife in her hand that she had been using to make sandwiches.

Clothes were strewn over the bedroom floor. The girl peered through the crack where she had left the door open.

"You're not going anywhere till we talk about this properly. Till we decide what's best for all of us."

"Us! US! You have never once thought about US when you've done something, or gone somewhere. You've only ever thought about yourself! And now you expect me to care about what you want? Who do you take me for?" He raised his hand, but instead of the normal look of terror on her face, she remained unmoved.

"I have sat there night after night, bruised and broken wondering when you'll look at me like you used to when we first met. But you aren't the same person anymore. I have given you so many chances, fallen for every single lie or 'I love you'." She sat on the chair by the dresser exasperatedly.

"I wasn't ready to be a father. It was too soon." She looked up slowly and something inside of her snapped.

"Don't you DARE blame all of your problems on our daughter! She has done nothing but love you and all you can do is shout at her, put her down and smack her around! You have destroyed my life, but I will never let you ruin our daughter's!"

The blood stained the wall and the face of the teenage girl who had wandered in to the room.

"Mom?"

"It's ok Sara, everything's gonna be ok." The girl looked across at the bed and released an ear splitting scream.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" She sat bolt upright in her bed, her head hung low as she tried to regain a regular breathing pattern.

The bedside table lamp illuminated and he sat up, putting his glasses on.

"Honey, what is it?" He put his hand on her face and stroked it gently. She lifted her head and looked at him. She gave a small smile at his tousled hair and worried expression.

"Nothing, you go back to sleep." She kissed his forehead softly and turned off the lamp. She put her dressing gown on quietly and slipped out of the bedroom.

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She cuddled her knees in to her chest, for comfort rather than warmth and let fresh tears fall down her cheeks.

Grissom leant against the bedroom door frame then joined Sara by the sofa.

"I'll make us a cup of coffee."

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Well, that's the first chapter all done and dusted, please R&R, this is my first fic and I would love to hear your comments!! -x-


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or any of its characters. God knows, I wish I did!

Chapter 2- Do you want a spoon of analysis with your coffee?

Grissom sat down beside Sara and passed her the steaming mug, his head tilted slightly in sympathy.

"You had that nightmare again?"

She held the mug between her hands and nodded. "Yeah. Well, flashback. Their voices were so loud I could swear they were in the next room." She took a deep breath, attempting to stop her tears.

"Dreams and nightmares are created through our subconscious thoughts. Have you been thinking about it a lot?" Sara was used to Grissom responding with a logical, rational or scientific reason instead of a comforting word, that was his immediate reaction to any emotional situation. But he was there, and that was all that mattered to her.

"I didn't tell you this before but, today is the anniversary of my father's death."

He sat in stunned silence. "Well, that would certainly contribute to your nightmare." She gave a weak smile.

"Every year I try and talk to my mother. She's forced herself to remember it as the day her husband died, not the day she murdered him. I never know how to feel." Tears began to well in her eyes and Grissom took the mug from her hands and placed it on the coffee table.

He intertwined his fingers with hers.

"I know my father caused my mother so much pain, I saw it. But because of what she did, I lost both of them." She sobbed quietly in to the sleeve of her dressing gown. He pulled his hand away and gently put his arm around her.

She burrowed her head in to his right shoulder and every sob gave a tremor through his body that pierced his heart till he rested his head on hers and let his own tears fall.

----------------------------

He opened his eyes blearily and tried to get them to focus. He put his hand up to rub them, and realized he still had his glasses on. Within seconds, the previous nights events resurfaced and he sat up straighter, looking around the apartment.

"Sara?" He called in to the quiet void. He was met by silence. He stretched his neck and stood up. He padded across the living room and entered the bedroom. It was empty, and so was the bathroom.

Confused, he arrived back and leant against the breakfast bar. His eyes glanced downwards and he found a small note, weighed down by his car keys.

_Sorry I didn't wake you, but you looked so peaceful. Went in to work early to sort some stuff out. Thanks for being there when I needed you last night. See _

_you at graveyard shift! Xx_

He smiled widely which was followed by a long yawn. He glanced at the clock on the wall.

"I'd better get ready for work."

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She scrolled down the page, her eyes dashing across the screen rapidly. She paused when she found what she was looking for.

She grabbed the phone from it's base and punched the number in, copying it carefully from the computer.

She sat in silence while it rang continuously, awaiting its receiver to pick up.

"San Francisco crime lab, how may I assist your call?"

"Yeah, can I be put through to Paige Taylor please?"

"May I ask the nature of this call?"

"My name is Sara Sidle. We're old friends."

"Please hold while I try and direct your call." She rolled her eyes and prepared herself for a long wait. She took a sip from her coffee.

"Oh my God!"

"Hello?" She asked uncertainly.

"It's true! I'm actually speaking to _the _Sara Sidle from the Las Vegas crime lab- one of the top crime labs in the country! What an honor!" Sara grinned widely.

"Hi Paige. How you doing?"

"I'm good hun. How's Sin City"?"

"Can't complain. Never short of work." She heard Paige laugh.

"How's San Francisco treating ya?"

"Same as ever. Collecting evidence, solving cases, getting promoted to day shift supervisor. You know the usual."

"You got promoted to dayshift supervisor? Congratulations!"

"Thanks. I was miss sold it though. You get your own office, but they never told me about the stack of paperwork that you find when you _enter_ your new office.

Anyway, speaking of supervisors, you got a pretty sweet deal being asked by _the_ Gil Grissom to stay on in Vegas and become part of the team. You've been there what, seven years now? You must've made a big impression on him girl. What's he really like to work with?"

Sara bit her lip to stop herself laughing.

"How long have you got? It's…challenging."

"Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me something?" Paige chuckled then became serious.

"Unfortunately Paige, I didn't phone to catch up on old times."

"You just want me for my brains. Ok, what's up?"

"It's about my mother."

"So you heard?"

"Heard what?" There was silence at the end of the phone "Heard what Paige?"

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Am still building the story up, so sorry if this wasn't a brilliant chapter! -x-


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- You all know what I'm gonna say, I don't own any part of CSI, but I can dream!

Chapter 3- Bad excuses and broken pottery

Paige's reply hung in the air. The mug in Sara's hand went crashing to the ground, shards flying everywhere across the lino floor.

Several people in the corridor looked to see the cause of the noise, including Greg who was in the lab, testing for blood on a piece of clothing.

He looked at Sara with concern, realising she hadn't even noticed that the mug had fallen.

"Sara? Sara are you ok?" Paige was calling down the phone.

"Send me the details. I, I'll speak to you later." She replaced the receiver and became aware of her surroundings. She frowned at the mess on the floor and looked at her vacant hand. She bent down and began to pick up the pieces.

"Here, let me help." Greg appeared at the door with a dustpan and brush.

"Thanks. I don't know what happened." She stared in to space and Greg noticed tears filling her eyes.

"Why don't you get some fresh air? You look a little pale. I'll clean this up." She nodded and stood up. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks Greg." She wandered slowly in to the hall and Greg watched her sadly.

She reached the parking lot and sat gingerly on the kerb. She stared in to her hands and briskly brushed the tears away that had formed.

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"What the hell happened Greg?" Catherine asked as she and Grissom stood in the doorway. Grissom raised an eyebrow at him.

"It wasn't me, it was Sara."

Grissom frowned. "What happened?"

"I dunno, I was in the room over the hall and she was in here on the phone. Next thing is, her mug fell on the floor and she didn't even realise. She looked pretty shocked. Oh, and this came out of the fax just after she left." He handed it to Grissom. "She's gone to get some air." Grissom gave a nod of his head and turned to Catherine.

"I'll go hand out the assignments." She replied. He gave her a friendly smile. She headed to the staff room and he headed back to the car park.

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He saw her hunched over, sitting in exactly the same place as she had sat all those years ago when there was the explosion in the lab.

He walked up to her and sat down silently, the folded paper in his hand.

She let out a low sigh. "So, I phoned Paige Taylor today. She's a friend from the lab back in San Francisco. She normally sees my mother around, even goes to see her sometimes." She gave a small laugh, which was replaced by heavy sobs.

He put his hand gently on her arm. "Sara, what's wrong?"

She noticed the paper and gestured at it. "You haven't read it?"

"No, it's yours. It's private."

"You can read it." He unfolded the paper and read the text, his eyes widening in disbelief.

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Nick swung the car into the parking lot and cut the ignition. "Hey Grissom, I'm sorry man, the traffic's backed right up the strip" he rehearsed before getting out and locking it.

As he turned to rush inside, he saw two people hunched closely together. He took a further look and realised who it was. He frowned deeply, then continued on inside the building.

He took a seat in the staff room brushing past Catherine.

"Nicky, so glad you could join us. You're late."

"Yeah, the traffic's really bad. It's backing all the way up the strip." She glared at him "cut the crap Nick, it might work with Grissom but not with me." He smiled sheepishly. "I overslept."

She smiled and gave a knowing nod of her head. "That sounds more like you Nicky."

"Hey is Sara ok? When I pulled up her and Grissom were sitting outside. She looked pretty down."

Greg nodded his head "she got a phone call earlier. She looked pretty upset. Grissom will probably make it worse."

Nick gave a small smile "they looked pretty…cosy when I saw them." Warrick looked over and they shared a knowing smile. Catherine looked between the two of them and rolled her eyes.

"She could have talked to me, we always talk. Why would she choose the boss over the friend?" Greg mumbled to himself. Warrick gave a laugh of disbelief and Nick turned to Catherine, but was pointing at Greg.

"Cath, tell me I wasn't THAT naïve when I was his age."

She grinned "no you weren't. Right let's get on with some work. Warrick, you're gonna work with me on a robbery at a suite at the Bellagio." Warrick let out a low whistle.

"Nick, you've got a D.B out in Henderson, Grissom will help you with it when he gets back." She turned to Greg. "Unfortunately Greg, it's a quiet night, so you're gonna have to stay in the lab again." He looked disheartened "and work with Sara."

"Well someone's gotta do it." He commented, sighing.

"Yeah, like you're really THAT upset. Everyone knows you've got a crush on her!" Nick laughed. Warrick crouched beside him and made kissing noises in his ear.

Greg gave a sarcastic smile. "Whatever."

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Another chapter done! The next chapter will reveal all. Ooh, the suspense!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- Yep, you got it, I don't own any part of CSI. -x-

Chapter 4- Yesterdays news

_**ABUSED HOUSEWIFE DIES 22 YEARS TO THE DAY AFTER KILLING HER HUSBAND.**_

_Local woman Laura Sidle made the headlines of local tabloids 22years ago when in a case of self defence against husband, James Sidle's abusive nature, stabbed him to death. The only witness to the horrific event was her only daughter Sara._

_Today, on the anniversary of James' murder, Laura was found dead in her home. The official cause of death was a stroke, but maybe it was also from the heart break of a woman who took extreme measures to rid herself of the pain and suffering caused by the man she loved._

_Our thoughts go out to her daughter Sara and the rest of Laura's family._

Grissom opened his mouth, but no sound escaped.

"You know, it's the shock that got to me the most. I've always known this day would come. Huh, you'd think I'd be better prepared." Sara commented quietly.

Grissom regained the use of his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I saw my mother's face, she had faded away a little bit more. I think her spirit died the day my father did."

They sat in silence, both of them staring out in the dark night splashed with neon. She shook her head rapidly and brushed the hair from her face.

"Well, I guess we'd better get to work."

Grissom looked at her, rubbed his forehead tiredly and stood up to join her. She rubbed the tops of her arms to keep her warm against the chill of the night air. Grissom looked deep in to her brown eyes.

"You might feel like hiding your pain behind the curtain, so that the eyes of the world can't see into the window of your soul, but don't hide it from me."

"Let me guess, Shakespeare? Or how about Plato? Or maybe Phil Collins?"

He laughed "actually, that one's mine." She looked at him in surprise, a smile appearing on her lips. She turned and headed towards the lab.

Grissom watched her walk away, and sighed deeply. He had lost his faith in religion a long time ago, but as he began to walk slowly across the car park, for the first time in many years he prayed. Not for himself, but for Sara. For her to have the strength to overcome the grief that he knew was bubbling just under the surface.

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_I have to be strong, I have to be strong. No-one can see me cry._

She straightened up as she walked. As she turned the corner, she came face to face with Nick, Warrick and Catherine.

"Hey guys, what's up?" She asked cheerily.

"Are you ok?" Nick looked at her with concern.

"Of course! What do you need me to do?" She looked at Catherine.

"Well, there's still some evidence that needs to be processed from that multiple shooting at the Sahara car park. Greg's got started on it, but I think he could use a bit of help." Catherine replied. Sara's face dropped.

"Oh, ok." She left them and headed slowly to her locker. She sat down on the wooden bench and twisted the dials on the padlock until she heard the familiar click.

She opened the cold door and pulled the piece of paper from her pocket that Grissom had handed back to her. She caught the faint hint of a smell, which she recognised as his shower gel and smiled.

She stroked the paper with her thumb affectionately and sighed sadly. She placed it in her locker. She felt a small buzz in her pocket and grabbed her phone quickly. She had a missed call from Paige.

"Hey." She spun around quickly, stuffing the phone back in to her jeans.

Grissom looked puzzled, but shook it off. "I've got a D.B to process with Nick. You gonna be ok in the lab?"

She nodded. "Yeah, course. I mean, I've got Greg to keep me company." She smiled. He stepped closer and spoke quietly.

"I don't know what time I'll finish tonight, but if you'd like I can come over afterwards?" He placed his hand softly on her face. She looked up at him.

"I'd like that. You'd better not be too late back though, I don't want you waking me up." She smiled.

"Yes dear." He grabbed his coat from the stand and smiled warmly before disappearing out of view.

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He sat in the car, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. He glanced across at Grissom in the passenger seat and looked back quickly.

Questions and comments raced through his head that he could ask to cut the uncomfortable silence he was now being suffocated by.

_How's Sara?_

_I can't believe this traffic, can you?_

_Get up to anything interesting last night?_

_How's Sara doing?_

_I hope this case is straightforward._

_You see that reality show at the weekend?_

_Is Sara ok?_

_Do anything at Christmas?_

_Sara looked pretty upset, she alright?_

_Man, I hate this singer._

_How IS Sara?_

_FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HOW'S SARA?_

"Sara!" Nick exclaimed loudly. The car was filled with silence again. Grissom turned his head slowly to look at Nick.

"Need to get something off your chest Nick?" He asked, amused. Nick smiled uncomfortably and shook his head. "No."

Grissom mouthed a silent "Oh" and turned his head back to the passenger window, smiling to himself.

Nick scowled at himself for his outburst and began to drum his fingers against the steering wheel once again.

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Well, enjoy! I love that bit with Nick, it's so true! You sit there and words just come out, and not normally the right ones. It took me for like forever to come up with Grissom's own quote, but I think it's quite sweet! -x-


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer- I'm starting to get it now, I DON'T own any part of CSI. Hm, simple, easy to remember, I like it! -x-

Chapter 5- Friends and lovers (Taken from CSI itself! Lol)

"We're pretty close friends aren't we Sara?"

"Yeah, I'd say so Greg." He cut the top off a swab and slipped it into a test tube.

"And if you had any problems you'd tell me right? I mean. I'd tell you."

She looked up and studied his face.

"Is this about earlier?" He shrugged.

"A little bit." She sighed.

"I…found out that my mom died yesterday. I'm sorry I left you to clear the mess up. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I was in shock; I just didn't know what to do." Greg looked stunned.

"Oh, um, sorry Sara. I just thought it was relationship problems or something." Sara looked at Greg with a bemused expression. "I would have come after you if I had realised you needed someone to talk to. I guess Grissom beat me to it."

The cloudiness in her head shifted and the reason they were having this conversation hit her. She suppressed a smile.

"Greg, sometimes you need different friends in different situations. Sometimes you need someone to cheer you up." Greg gave a smile and continued with his work.

"Sometimes you need someone who keeps you grounded like Nick or Warrick. Sometimes you need someone who gives it to you straight, like Catherine."

She paused and memories of her various talks with Grissom flashed up in front of her like an old home video.

"And sometimes, you need someone who just listens to you while you rant, rave, cry and scream. They just listen."

She put her hand to her pocket and felt the outline of her phone.

"There's something I need to do. I'll be right back."

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She took a seat gingerly and took a moment just to look around at the objects and books lining the walls of the office.

She had sat in this very room so many times over the years, and she always managed to spot something she hadn't seen in the previous visit. She studied the dried butterfly displays and instinctively reached for the silver necklace that stayed hidden most days under her bullet proof vest or overalls, but mainly from her work colleagues.

He had given it to her last Christmas hidden within a copy of 'Applied aerodynamics in forensic science'. She had originally been downhearted but then pleasantly surprised when she found the silver butterfly necklace with the amethyst detail lying in the centre pages.

She had put it on that night when he drove her home from the staff party and she hadn't taken it off since.

She grinned as she remembered that he would be coming round after work.

She also remembered why she was sitting in Grissom's office. She reached over and picked up the phone, typing in a number she felt she was getting to know pretty quickly.

"San Francisco crime lab, how may I assist your call?"

"Can I speak to Paige Taylor please?"

"Might this be the woman who phoned earlier? Miss…Sidle?" Sara smiled.

"That's me."

"I'll put you through." She leant back in the chair and began to chew her nails.

"Sara, you ok? I tried phoning your cell but you didn't pick up."

"I'm fine Paige. I was wondering if you could do me a favour?"

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He took a casual glance at his watch.

"You got somewhere you gotta be?" Nick asked. Grissom turned his head quickly. Nick smiled.

"It's just; you've been looking at your watch practically every 10 minutes since we got here."

"Well, that's the living room done. Shall we move on to the kitchen or bedroom next?" Grissom replied, dodging the comment.

"Why don't we split up? I'll do the kitchen and you can start on the bedroom."

"Why, you got somewhere YOU gotta be Nick?" Grissom raised an eyebrow and Nick laughed.

"Naw man, I'll stay here all night if that's how long it takes. Although, it will mean that I have to buy Warrick a drink." Grissom picked up his field kit.

"I'll do the kitchen, YOU do the bedroom."

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He threw his stuff in the back of the car and after turning down Nick's offer of a drink and winding Warrick up about losing the bet, he pulled out on to the strip and finally began to look forward to what was left of his evening.

He never used to enjoy the period between one shift and another, preferring to pull a double rather than face his lonely home. Now however, he welcomed it.

All he used to feel, see or think was work.

But Sara had changed that. She had an unfaltering spirit and her love for science and truth were so strong that he wanted to be with her just to see the world through her eyes.

Every time he held her hand, he felt a jolt of happiness. He felt comfortable around her and couldn't wait for those mornings where he would look over and see her sleeping beside him.

He slowed to a stop at the red light and turned the volume up on the radio, tapping his hands to the beat on the steering wheel, a smile spread across his face.

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She pulled clothes of their hangers and hastily packed them into the suitcase. The burning in her throat became unbearable and she let out a small sob.

She threw the remaining items into the case. She zipped it up and stuffed it into the wardrobe, making sure it was concealed underneath old jumpers and trousers.

She slid the door shut and leaned against it, taking a slow breath to regain her composure. She grabbed the book from the bedside unit and padded softly in to the living room.

She tossed the book on to the breakfast bar and flicked the small switch on the kettle. She leaned against the counter and noticed the note she had left the previous day.

She glanced at it sadly, then crumpled it up and threw it in the bin.

---------------------------------

He knocked on the door softly and waited patiently for a response. He glanced around the building and after a few minutes knocked on the door, louder this time.

He heard a slight movement. The chain rustled and Sara opened the door, bleary eyed.

Did I wake you?" Grissom asked apologetically.

"I dozed off on the sofa, its ok." She smiled tiredly and he followed her into the apartment.

"How was the case?" She asked, stifling a yawn.

"Took us the night just to process the scene. We didn't even get started on the actual analysis of the evidence." He rubbed his eyes tiredly "how was working in the lab?" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh you know the usual. Although, I had an interesting conversation with Greg. I think he was pretty hurt that I talked to you earlier and not him. He thought I was having 'relationship problems'." He gave a small smile.

"There's some food in the oven if you want?" He raised an eyebrow uncertainly. "Did you make it?" She gave a loud laugh.

"Yeah, I came back from work and decided to whip up a meal. Course not! It's shop bought. Spinach and mozzarella lattice."

"Mmm, sounds edible."

"Hey, if you don't want my veggie food, you can always go and cook yourself something back at your place?"

"No that's ok. It's a small sacrifice."

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As always, hope you like it! This chapter seems to end a bit ordinarily, but that's because I wanted the next bit to be a chapter all by itself.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- I don't own any part of CSI. Huh, who'd have thunk it? I also don't own the song Better Man, that's James Morrison's. But it is brilliant.

Just a quick note before chapter the sixth. This has to be one of my favourite scenes in the whole of my fanfic because it just…says a lot without saying anything at all. This scene also goes well with the song paperweight from Joshua Radin.

Chapter 6 - Unknown vulnerability

_There was a time, I had nothing to give_

_And I needed shelter, from the storm I was in._

_When it all got too heavy, you carried my weight_

_And I wanna hold you, and I wanna say_

_That you, are all that I need_

_For you, I give my soul to keep_

_You see me; love me, just the way I am_

_I said for you, I am a better man._

She lay in the darkness listening only to him sleep. Ever since she had been with him, she had never had trouble sleeping. Except for the nightmares, but they were rare and he was there every time she woke up screaming or crying.

But tonight, she couldn't sleep. She knew that when tomorrow came and she had to get up, it would be the last time she would see him for a while.

And it was tearing her up inside.

_I said you are the reason,_

_For everything I do_

_I'd be lost, so lost_

_Without you._

He turned over beside her and rested his arm on the side of her stomach, his hand lying delicately on hers. These were the moments she cherished, his unknown moments of affection and vulnerability.

She intertwined her fingers with his, lifted his hand up and kissed it softly. She returned their hands to her side and whispered quietly, almost inaudibly in to the still of the room "I love you".

Sara wiped the tears from her face using her free hand and once again lay still, listening to Grissom sleeping peacefully, every breath making her spine tingle and her heart break a little bit more.

_And under the stars, the edge of the sea,_

_There's no-one around but you and me._

_We talked for hours, as time drifts away,_

_I could stay here forever, and hold you this way._

He breathed in the scent of her hair and felt the warmth of her lips on his skin as she kissed his hand. In the dark and silent room he could not mistake the whispered words she had spoken. "I love you"; three simple words that carried so much meaning and made his heart begin to race.

He opened his eyes slowly and stared in to the back of her head, seeing nothing but the inky black void. He closed his eyes again, a small smile spreading across his face.

'_Cause you, are all that I need_

_For you, I give my soul to keep_

_You see me, love me, just the way I am_

_I said for you I am a better man._

He already knew that tomorrow would be a much better day than today, as he drifted off listening to the sound of her sleeping beside him.

_I said you are the reason_

_For everything I do_

_I'd be lost, so lost_

_Without you._

_------------------------------------------_

She stood staring at her phone, her body heavy and numb. She began to dial his number but stopped herself from calling him.

He wouldn't be at work yet, he was still blissfully unaware that when he arrived at work, she wouldn't be there.

"There you go Miss Sidle, your passport and boarding pass. Enjoy your trip." She gave a weak smile "thanks."

She swung her bag over her shoulder and took one last look at the terminal entrance, her face full of pain.

"I'm sorry." She sighed, turning her back and heading towards the departures gate and beyond that, San Francisco.

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As always, hope you enjoyed it. I still love that scene; they both think the other ones asleep. This one's only a short chapter, but the next bit moves on to Grissom's P.O.V and also, it looked a lot longer written down! Lol -x-


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer- I have been informed by my minions that I do not own any part of CSI. Or the classic song Never Too Much, that's Luther Vandross'.

Chapter 7 – Migraines and love songs

The alarm clock clicked and a man with a voice like honey filled the room.

"We've already received loads of emails and texts, and I'm gonna start off with an email from Janet Newson. The song she's requested is special to her because her husband sang it to her before proposing. That's a great story Janet, and so for you, I'm gonna start off the hour with Luther Vandross and 'Never too much'. You're listening to the 'love line' with David Palmer right here on LVFM."

_I can't fool myself; I don't want nobody else to ever love me_

_You are my shining star, my guiding light, my love fantasy_

_There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I don't love you_

_You're at the top of my list 'cause I'm always thinking of you._

There was a slight movement in the room as Grissom turned over on to his back.

He pulled back the covers from his head and blearily opened his eyes, still savouring every moment of the previous night.

He lifted his hand and stared at it for a while, expecting to see Sara's kiss still imprinted on it.

_I still remember in the days when I was scared to touch you_

_How I spent my daydreaming, planning how to say I love you_

_You must've known that I had feelings deep enough to swim in_

_That's when you opened up your heart and you told me to come in._

He stretched his arms up and rested his right arm gently on the other side of the bed. And found an empty space.

He frowned and turned his head. He rolled his eyes.

"More overtime. Nothing changes." He gave a small smile, staring at the place where she had spoken the words that he was surprised to realise he had been longing to hear.

_Oh my love, a thousand kisses from you is never too much_

_I just don't wanna stop_

_Oh my love, a million days in your arms is never too much_

_I just don't wanna stop, too much, never too much, never too much, never too much._

He winced as a searing pain shot across his forehead. He pressed the palm of his hand against his head and reached in to the drawer of the bedside unit with his other hand. He pulled out his tablets and unscrewed the cap hastily. He swallowed a couple and coughed slightly as the foul taste hit his throat. He sprung out of bed and padded in to the bathroom for a glass of water.

_Woke up today, looked at your picture just to get me started_

_I called you up but you weren't there and I was broken hearted_

_Hung up the phone, can't be too late, the boss is so demanding_

_Open the door up and to my surprise there you are standing._

He sipped the water slowly, concentrating on the reflection looking back at him in the mirror.

He rubbed the side of his face. Since he had been with Sara, he had felt younger within himself, and looking now at his reflection, years seemed to have dropped away.

He winced as the pain forced its way back in to the front of his mind. He turned to leave and looked around the en suite, frowning. Something seemed different, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

_Who needs to got to work to hustle for another dollar_

_I'd rather be with you 'cause you make my heart scream and holler_

_Love is a gamble and I'm so glad that I am winning_

_We've come a long way and yet this is only the beginning._

He balanced the phone in the crook of his neck as he switched the radio off and compressed the cold glass against his head.

"Yeah, hi it's me. I was just ringing to check you're ok. I guess I missed you this morning." He laughed "I'll see you at work anyway, dunno why I really phoned" he noticed her wardrobe door slightly ajar.

He slid it shut carefully. He laughed again "See you soon honey." He snapped his phone shut and tossed it on to the bed, shaking his head with laughter.

He drained the glass and began to get ready for work yet again.

------------------------------

Poor poor Grissom. Anyway, happy reading! Lol -x-


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI, I've wished on every shooting star and as of yet, nothing. Lol. I also do not own the song 'Oh Father', that's Madonna's.

Chapter 8- One very bad headache. As well as a migraine.

She played the cheery message over and over again, hearing the joy in his voice. Joy that she had given him. She looked at her watch. And joy she had taken away as well.

Ever since the news of her mother's death yesterday, she had become withdrawn and quiet. She was angry with herself for being like it, but it was still her natural reaction; try your hardest to cover yourself up so the pain and scars don't show.

She put her head in her hands. She had stood there while Grissom had told her poetically not to hide her pain from him. She had ignored him.

For years her mother had been nothing more than a distant memory, a bad nightmare, someone who hadn't touched her life at all except briefly as a child and a young teen.

And yet, she mourned for her, she cried for her. Sara loved her mom, despite her faults and mistakes, and now she was gone forever.

_It's funny that way,_

_You can get used to the tears and the pain_

_What a child will believe_

_You never loved me._

_Seems like yesterday,_

_I lay down next to your boots and I prayed_

_For your anger to end_

_Oh father I have sinned._

Thinking about her mother always led Sara to think about her father.

Ever year, on that day she would lie there at night wondering what sort of a man he really was, other than the monster he was made out to be from her mother's defence attorney. What sort of a man would he be now? She had no doubt that he wouldn't be with her mom, every argument had been fiercer, and the final argument had been about her and her mom leaving him behind.

_Ooh father_

_You never wanted to live that way_

_You never wanted to hurt me_

_Why am I running away?_

She remembered all too well her father's temper and how he wasn't fazed when he struck his wife and occasionally his daughter. But what she could never understand and could never get the concept of, is the thing that plagued her mind whenever she saw the words 'domestic abuse' on a case file at work; How could the attacker look someone in the eye and then beat them to within an inch of their life, still claiming that they love them? How is pushing someone down the stairs an act of love? How could an iron burn on the arm or a broken nose or a black eye constitute in their eyes as a token of love?

_Maybe someday,_

_When I look back I'll be able to say_

_You didn't mean to be cruel_

_Somebody hurt you too._

She knew that Grissom would have empathy for the situation, but he wouldn't be able to fully understand what she was going through. Inside, she was still trying to be the independent woman that she had spent years trying to prove to everyone, including herself, that she could be. That she could deal with any problem or situation that was thrown her way.

But the realisation had hit her already and it brought a lump to her throat.

She lifted her head.

This was one situation that she didn't want to deal with alone. None of this was Grissom's fault; he didn't deserve to be treated this way. She had waited too long to just push him away when she needed him the most.

But what would he say? Would he forgive her or had she lost her chance?

She inhaled deeply and sat up in the very squidgy departure lounge chair. She flipped open her phone and after listening to the voice mail message once more for courage, she dialled the number and this time she didn't restrain herself from calling it.

_You can't hurt me now_

_I got away from you, I never thought I would_

_You can't make me cry, you once had the power_

_I never felt so good about myself._

_-----------------------------------_

He strolled through reception, his badge swinging gently from its place around his neck and his worsening migraine thumping in tune with his every step.

"Ah Gil, just the person I need to talk to." He sighed discreetly as he came face to face with Ecklie. Ecklie gestured to his office and Grissom followed.

He took a seat, leaning his head in his hand on the arm of the plastic chair.

"It's just an admin thing." Ecklie slid the papers across which Grissom frowned at. He put his glasses on, preparing to read them, but there was no need.

"Just Miss Sidle's absence leave forms. You just need to countersign them at the bottom." He slid a ballpoint pen across the desk.

Grissom stared at Ecklie.

"What did you say Conrad?"

"Miss Sidle's ten day leave of absence that she requested. She did tell you, didn't she? I figured she had spoken to you before coming to me?"

Grissom pulled his glasses off slowly and his mouth opened partly, but no words would come out.

"Oh. Normally the procedure is that both superior members of staff need to agree it. I guess I should be grateful she even came to me." Ecklie looked at Grissom's expression and shrugged.

"It did seem very urgent and she seemed like she was in a hurry. I guess she just forgot to tell you."

Fortunately Grissom didn't notice the enjoyment that Ecklie was basking in from knowing something before Grissom for once.

"Huh." Was all Grissom could respond. He scrawled his signature on the papers sadly and finally managed to mutter an "Excuse me" as he walked out of the office.

He walked the corridor in a daze, not even aware of where his feet were taking him.

------------------------------------

Ok, well that's chapter 8! I didn't realise how much I'd wrote!! The action's a little slow at the mo, but it will speed up pretty soon! –x-


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI, although I'll happily accept it as a birthday present.

Chapter 9- A friend in need

Catherine listened with interest as she walked the familiar corridors with Nick, Warrick and Greg.

"Ecklie said she's taken some personal leave." Warrick commented.

"Well, um, she told me in our shift yesterday that her mom died. I guess it must be to do with that." Greg replied.

Catherine remained quiet, her own thoughts turning to Sam. She frowned and twisted her head slightly as she watched Grissom approaching them.

He hadn't noticed them, his eyes seemingly glazed over.

The others soon noticed.

"Maybe Grissom knows more?" Nick suggested.

"Guys, it's none of our business why she's taken time off. You go on ahead; I'll be there in a moment." She knew perfectly well what had happened, Ecklie had told her, but she knew it wasn't her place to go around blurting it out. She followed after Grissom and found him staring blankly at Sara's locker. He took a seat on the bench, his shoulders slumping as he did so. He twisted his hands round and round in his lap, completely oblivious that he was doing it.

"Grissom…Griiissom…**Grissom**…GIL!" She called in frustration.

"What?" He replied half-heartedly.

"Oh, so you were just ignoring me, and there's me getting worried that your hearing might be playing up again." She strolled over and took a seat beside him. He rubbed his forehead.

"I'm sorry Cath. I've got a migraine that just isn't gonna shift. And all that work waiting for me."

"Gil, you think I'd be sitting here if it was just about migraines and paperwork? Ecklie told me about Sara." His shoulders dropped again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.

"She er, she didn't say anything. She told Ecklie and just left, without a word."

She opened her mouth to offer words of comfort but he began to speak quietly.

"I'm so stupid. I didn't get it. We sat there and talked about her mother. Afterwards she carried on as normal." He banged his fist in frustration and sadness, causing Catherine to jump slightly.

"I wanted to help, but I accepted that she was ok with it too quickly. She left this morning without a word. Not even a goodbye." He put his head in both of his hands.

He hadn't noticed the look of shock on Catherine's face which soon turned to realisation which she then shook off discreetly. She went to make a joke about Sara not saying goodbye to her either, but thought better of it, remaining quiet and still.

"I just don't know what to do." He looked across at her and frowned at her expression.

"What?"

"Well, for a start, you can stop being so miserable! She's only gone for ten days, she'll be back. Geez, you're acting like she's gone for good!" He gave a weak smile.

"And secondly; Gil, you're one of my closest friends and I love ya to death, but you're like every other man 'I, I, I, me, me, me. What am _I_ supposed to do?' Well I'll tell ya. You're supposed to stop thinking about how this affects you and how you feel." She pointed out of the door.

"I might not always get on with Sara, but right now she's in San Francisco having to bury her mother. To be honest Gil, your feelings don't come in to that. Right now she's probably grieving over her mother and feeling guilty over you. She's probably lonely too." She paused.

"When Eddie died, and then Sam, nothing anyone said would make me feel any better." She looked at Grissom.

"But maybe you don't need to say anything to her. Maybe you need to show her that you're there for her."

Grissom nodded his head slowly. Catherine stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Maybe you should go home."

He looked at her quizzically.

"Hey, I know what you're like with your migraines." He smiled kindly.

"Thanks, but I think I'm better off here. Take my mind off the pain." She looked at him, not knowing if he meant the headache or his problems with Sara.

"Yeah well take it easy." She walked to the door and turned back.

"And Gil?" He looked up at her.

"Just remember that sometimes the longer you try and ignore the pain, the worse it gets. Think about it." She disappeared in to the corridor and he stood up. He stretched his neck slowly from side to side. He opened his rarely used locker and pulled the photo out that had been tucked in the door. He began to smile at the memories it held.

It had been taken at the Christmas staff party when Greg had started snapping away with his Polaroid camera.

The flash had blinded his eyes before he could even realise that the slow dance he was sharing with Sara was being watched and would be captured forever. Greg had got steadily drunk as the evening wore on and by the time Grissom decided to take the photo, Greg had no idea where he was let alone that Grissom had pocketed the Polaroid.

He slipped the photo in to his jacket pocket and shut his locker. He placed his hand gently on Sara's locker, sighed deeply and left the room.

----------------------------

Greg bounced around happily to the stereo as he waited for Grissom to return. He had some interesting results on the evidence he had tested for GSR.

He noticed an extra part in the song that he never realised was there before and frowned.

He suddenly noticed the phone flashing and buzzing excitedly along the table.

He walked around quickly to answer the call but the buzzing, flashing and the tune had stopped; whoever it was had got through to Grissom's voicemail.

He shook his head and decided to start running the prints they had collected earlier through AFIS, Grissom was obviously gonna take his time.

Grissom hadn't said much all shift, and Greg knew it had something to do with Sara, but he had kept his mouth shut. Catherine had mentioned that Grissom had one of his migraines and he remembered the last time he had one and the outcome.

He turned the volume down on the stereo and took a seat slowly. He thought back again to that encounter and Grissom's reaction to Sara. His frown deepened as more memories came to the forefront of his mid. Finally, he remembered the events of yesterday and it dawned on him slowly.

"Noooooo." He whispered in disbelief.

"Not Sara and…Grissom." But even as he tried to convince himself otherwise, he knew he was right.

"**That's** why she doesn't fancy me."

---------------------------------

As always, hope you like it! I just want to point out that I'm not implying that Greg is dumb or stupid, but that he's just been in denial because of how he feels about Sara. I just thought I'd better clear that up before anyone starts chasing me yelling "Grab the torch and pitchforks!" Lol –x-


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer- Oh, by the way, I don't own any part of CSI. Well I bought a T-shirt in Vegas, but I'll leave that story for another day.

Chapter 10- Breakdown in communications

The man sat back down shakily. Sara opened her eyes and glanced at his pale face. She reached in to her bag, pulled out a box and passed it across. The man looked at the box, and then concentrated his gaze to the woman sat beside him.

"They're travel sickness pills. You look like you could use them." He looked relieved and gently took the box.

"I don't fly a helluva lot." He explained.

"Neither do I, but I know myself pretty well to know when I'm gonna get sick." She smiled kindly, which he returned after swallowing the pills.

"So, is this your first time in San Francisco?" He asked, the colour beginning to reappear in his cheeks. She replied with a chuckle.

"No. Practically lived here my whole life. You?"

"Never been. I watched Bullitt as a kid and then The Rock. I feel like I've already been." She laughed again.

"So where do you come from?"

"New York. They told me there might be travelling in my job. I never thought they meant from one side of the country to the other!" He shook his head, smiling at his own joke.

"How did you end up in Vegas if you were going from New York to San Francisco?" She asked, her eyebrow raised and a smile on her lips. He smiled sheepishly.

"I thought that it would be a shame to come all this way and not see the bright lights of Vegas."

"That's what they all say. Most of them never leave?"

"So, why the move from the Golden Gate to the strip?"

She smiled to herself as Grissom's face drifted in to her mind.

"Work." She paused. "The crime rate's higher there." The man frowned in confusion and looked at the packet of pills warily.

"Oh! No, I'm a CSI. I collect and process evidence from crime scenes." His eyes widened.

"That's gotta be an interesting job?"

"It has its moments." She glanced at the look of disbelief on his face.

"I love my job, but it's pretty difficult sometimes."

"There must be something good you get out of it. You wouldn't do it otherwise." He commented.

"Yeah, there is." She was transported back to many of the different cases she had worked on with Grissom over the years. She knew that in some instances he wouldn't have gone to that much trouble normally, but purely from her determination to solve the case and find the right answers, he had put in the extra effort as well.

It was in these gestures that she had known he cared about her before he finally admitted it to himself and to her. Her mind went to her phone. She wondered if he had heard her message yet and how he would react when he did.

"So what do you do then…?"

"Scott." He held his hand out awkwardly in the cramped space.

"I'm Sara. So what do you do then Scott?" She asked, taking his hand, desperately trying to concentrate on the conversation and compress the nerves in her stomach that twitched every time she let her mind wander.

-----------------------------

Grissom sauntered back in to the lab.

"Hey Grissom. I found some interesting GSR patterns on Michelle's clothes."

"But there wasn't any on her hands was there?"

"Precisely, she's not our shooter. Robert on the other hand, is a very different story." He glanced at Grissom who seemed to have begun to daydream again.

"Migraine bad is it?" Greg asked. Grissom smiled inwardly to himself, Greg was trying very hard to be the caring co-worker, which he actually appreciated for once.

"Yeah it is. Can't concentrate on anything. Sorry, you were saying?"

"Robert had GSR on his hands but none on his clothes. My guess is he's stashed them somewhere. He definitely came in contact with the gun."

"I'll phone Brass, we need to talk to Robert." Greg glanced at Grissom's phone and suddenly remembered.

"Oh yeah, while you were out, your phone rang. By the time I got to it, it had stopped. Sorry." Grissom grabbed the phone off the desk and flipped the screen open eagerly.

His heart raced as he read the name and number of the missed call. He noticed an icon in the top corner telling him he had voicemail.

Greg noticed the anxiety in Grissom's face and braced himself for the onslaught; Grissom was bound to rip in to him for not answering it.

"Erm, good work Greg. You phone Brass and I'll meet you by the car." He snapped the phone shut.

"There's something I need to do first." He walked hastily out of the room.

"Don't mention it." Greg muttered to himself, intrigued by exactly what had been left on Grissom's cell, and by whom.

------------------------------

"How was your flight?" Paige asked as she swerved around a slow moving car. Sara stared out of the window as they cruised along the highway.

"Ok." They rounded the corner and she took a sharp intake of breath as the city of San Francisco lay out in front of her, twinkling happily.

"I'm back."

----------

They pulled up beside the motel and Sara opened the passenger door.

"Thanks for the lift." She dragged her suitcase from the back seat.

"You sure you don't wanna crash at my place?"

Sara shook her head.

"I need some time to myself you know?"

Paige nodded.

"You need anything hun, just gimme a call. And I'm taking you out for dinner tomorrow." It was Sara's turn to nod.

"You sure you're gonna be ok?"

Sara smiled bravely.

"Of course." The car behind beeped angrily.

"Go, you're holding up traffic." She gave a final wave as Paige pulled away and sped off.

She sighed and entered the small reception.

-----------------------------

He sat down heavily in his chair and took the phone in his hands nervously. He clicked the button and put the phone up to his ear.

His breath caught in his throat as Sara's voice began to speak quietly.

"Um hi. I don't quite know what to say, which is a first for me. There are so many things I wanted to say, I was hoping you'd pick up but you're obviously busy. I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye. I wanted to say that…" A voice cut in the background.

"This is the last call for flight A1379 to San Francisco."

"I've gotta go, sorry. Grissom I…" There was a long pause and he squinted, listening, hoping.

"I…sorry, I've gotta go." The message cut off.

He stared at the phone in his hand as if it were a foreign object.

"What the hell's going on?" He muttered to himself. He listened to the message again.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It didn't take a scientist to realise that the message didn't sound positive. But it didn't sound negative either. Confusion swept over him and he resisted the urge to sit in a bewildered silence for the rest of his shift and heaved himself out of his chair.

He slipped the phone in to his trouser pocket sadly and left his office, heading for the parking lot.

_I wish I hadn't listened to that message._

_---------------------------------------_

Hmm, I don't really have any comments on this one. Just hope you all enjoy it! -x-


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. Really? Oh, ok, if you say so! I also do not own the song 'She has no time', that's Keane's.

Chapter 11- Testing reality

She pulled the card key out of the door and pushed it open. She lay her suitcase on the floor and perched herself on the edge of the bed. She checked her phone again and sighed disappointingly.

_You think your days are uneventful_

_And no one ever thinks about you_

_She goes her own way_

_She goes her own way_

Grissom finally returned to his apartment after what felt like the longest shift of his life. He wandered through each room, looking at how empty they were.

He always preferred to stay at Sara's apartment; it had unbelievable warmth to it from the deep colours and interesting art adorning the walls.

But that wasn't an option he had. He felt lost, he couldn't be there but he didn't feel comfortable in his own home either. The thought sprung in to his mind before he could even ponder it. _I'm at home when I'm with Sara._

_You think your days are ordinary_

_And no one ever thinks about you_

_But we're all the same_

_And she can hardly breathe without you_

Sara woke up from the nightmare crying. She turned to Grissom, but found an empty space. She pulled her knees to her chest and began to cry again, heavier this time. She rocked gently, the tears flooding her face.

_Think about the lonely people_

_And think about the day she found you_

_Or lie to yourself_

_And see it all dissolve around you_

He sat on his sofa and ran a hand over his tired face. He stared blankly ahead knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep, however tired he was or however much his migraine was ripping his forehead apart.

He choked back the pills and drained his glass. Kicking off his shoes, he lay back on the sofa, compressing the cold and empty glass to his head. He stared at the photograph. When had it all changed? Where had it gone wrong?

_Lonely people tumble downwards_

_My heart opens up to you_

_When she says she has no time for you now_

_She says she has no time._

_-----------------------_

She walked down the street, every step bringing back memories of her time spent there.

Walking down Lombard Street laughing at the tourists fascinations with driving down the "most crooked street in America". The break dancers wandering around Union Square collecting change from onlookers as they watched them freestyle to the beat of the drums and guitars.

However she was headed in the opposite direction, away from the main part of the city, heading for her favourite part of San Francisco.

She sat on the wooden bench and exhaled deeply as she took in the view of the bay; the ships docked at the pier, the smell of chocolate descending on her from the Ghirardelli factory behind her and the world famous Alcatraz Island lurking out in the bay, as menacing as the day she first saw it.

This was the sort of place that Grissom would love. She knew, despite living in the most over the top, shimmering, noisy and bustling city in the world, that he would prefer to spend his spare time in a place like this.

The first time they had met was here and it made her wonder whether he had already experienced all of this on his brief stay.

A couple at a nearby tree were setting down a blanket and pulling food from a hamper.

She dreamed for just a moment that it was her and Grissom talking and holding hands on that blanket, unafraid of being spotted by Nick, Catherine, Warrick, Greg or Brass. Or Ecklie.

She stood up and sauntered down the path towards the edge of the bay. She wrapped her coat around her tighter and pulled her woolly hat down further, the crisp air cutting through her many layers like sheets of ice. She stuffed her gloved hands in to her pockets and walked leisurely along Jefferson Street, stopping to drop a dollar bill in to the hat of a beggar that was using rhymes to earn his money.

She took a seat on the motorised cable car with the other passengers, all of their eyes open wide with wonder and awe like kids at Christmas.

She knew the history of San Francisco like the back of her hand, the earthquake and subsequent fires of 1906, the building of the Golden Gate and of course the history of "The Rock" itself.

But she still loved to hear it told. Although she hadn't lived in San Francisco in her childhood, she became enthralled and fascinated with it. When she moved there to work in the crime lab, she finally felt like she was home. She was part of a city that was so diverse in cultures but still felt united.

The city had survived, just like she had and it had got stronger, just like she had. She had grown up with this city and it had grown and changed around her.

The decision to move to Vegas was the hardest choice she had made. Not only was she leaving Paige behind, but she was comfortable where she was and Grissom was still just a teenage crush that she kept at bay.

_Grissom_. She thought back to her voicemail message. _The first words he hears from me and I don't say anything. He doesn't deserve to be treated like this._

She sat back in the seat and pulled her phone out as the cable car began to rev in to life and pull out on to the street where she had walked earlier. An idea came in to her head and she gave a small smile.

She watched Fishermans Wharf drift by, the men and women preparing crabs exactly their predecessors had done for the past 80 years. She took a photo with her phone. She was as much in awe as the rest of the tourists.

That was exactly it. She was only a tourist now, no longer a resident.

_Why did I really leave? If I love this city so much, how was I persuaded so quickly?_

She sighed deeply. She knew the answers to her questions, but she pushed them to the back of her mind, concentrating instead on the scenery around her.

------------------------------

He was sitting in Ecklie's office as he had done the day before. But this time when Ecklie pushed the paper across the desk, he found it was a newspaper clipping.

He began to look at the article. Sara had been knocked down by a car in San Francisco and had died in the hospital. Her unborn child had also died.

_His_ unborn child.

He sat in the chair and cried. The pain seared through his body but it wasn't his migraine.

He could feel his heart burning and failing inside his chest and his breathing becoming sharp and short. As he fell off the chair collapsing on to the floor, Ecklie stood over him saying,

"I guess she just forgot to tell you" repeatedly.

Grissom cried out and sat bolt upright on the sofa.

He instinctively put his hand on his chest, testing reality. He put the palms of his hands to his forehead, bowing his head as he did so. He took long, slow and deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He glanced at the clock on the wall.

"Typical." He had managed to fall asleep despite the migraine, but now two hours later he had woken from the nightmare that seemed so real that tears now fell down his face. He leaned back against the sofa and stared in to the dark and empty apartment, deep in thought.

"I've gotta get outta here." He grabbed his car keys and left his apartment.

----------------------------------

Hope you're still enjoying it! I love that SF bit; I was there in October so it was great to write all of the little details. Poor Grissom, he can't even go to sleep without suffering! What else will he subject to? You will have to read on and see! –x-


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer- I think everyone knows the drill, I don't own any part of CSI. I also don't own the song 'I'm ok', that's Christina Aguilera's. I now cry every time I hear it –x-

**Note about chapter 12:** This chapter is quite a dark one; it deals with Sara's past. Having never been subjected to domestic abuse, I hope I have wrote this in a realistic and yet sensitive way. –x-

Chapter 12- Dear diary

Sara walked down the road numbly, the keys jingling in her hand. She stopped outside the house and walked up the drive to the front door. She put the key in the lock and took a deep breath before letting herself in.

She stood awkwardly in the hallway, half expecting her mother to come through from the kitchen and tell her to wash her hands before dinner.

She bent down, undid her boots and left them on the dusty shoe rack as she had always done when she returned home.

Her mind flashed and the suitcases were in the living room and she was crouched on the stairs. She watched as her father stormed upstairs with the bags and her 13 year old self dashing in to her room to avoid being seen.

She looked back and the house had returned to its present state. She sighed and laid her hand on the banister as she began to climb the stairs.

**Dear diary, **At the moment I'm lying on my bed. Mom and dad were preparing themselves all through dinner for a fight so I came up here before they could drag me into it. Mom uses me as an excuse for them to stop shouting. Dad uses me as an excuse to start drinking. I've learnt that staying down there and trying to get them to stop does nothing, dad just takes his anger out on me as well as mom.

…There goes another plate.

Mrs Swanson is getting suspicious again about my "accidents" and I had to think up yet another excuse in class today. So now it's Scampi that I keep falling over. Scampi can barely walk properly after he got run over and had the pin put in his leg, but she doesn't know that, and I haven't used the "the dog did it" excuse yet. The carpet burns on my knees should back it all up anyway.

We got to dissect a pig's heart in biology today. All the other girls stayed in the far corner, moaning they felt sick. Pathetic. Mr Matthews thinks I would be good at doing something in science as a career. He told me about all these books that he thought it might be worth reading.

When I was in the library I found an article in the schools archive. There's this man who is a scientist and his specialty is bugs. Can you imagine it? Bugs!

It's in my textbook:

Entomology - study of insects.

Oh. I can hear mom coming up the stairs. She's gonna want to talk. "Mommy and daddy both love you lots, but we're just having some problems at the moment. We're working through them…" blah blah blah. Whatever, you say that every week.

_Once upon a time there was a girl_

_In her early years she had to learn_

_How to grow up living in a war that she called home_

_Never knew just where to turn for shelter from the storm_

_It hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face_

_Every time my father's fist would put her in her place_

_Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room_

_Hoping it would be over soon._

**Dear diary, **Another day, another night spent at the hospital. Mom managed to trap her hand in the door and break 3 of her fingers this time. Why I have to go every time I dunno. It's not like I'm the one who trips on the stairs or shuts my hand in the door.

I just upset dad sometimes, so it's safer to say nothing, that's why I stay away from him now. He falls asleep most nights watching TV anyway.

Then I show mom my homework. She's always so interested in my science, as much as I am. I managed to get a copy of that article that I found last week in the library. I'll show it to mom the next time dad drinks himself to sleep.

I bet she didn't know studying bugs was a science! That might stop her crying.

_Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same_

_And I still remember how you kept me so afraid_

_Strength is my mother for all the love she gave_

_And every morning that I wake I look back at yesterday_

_And I'm ok_

**Dear diary, **I dunno what to do. I've never seen dad this angry before. He came up and sat on my bed. I didn't ask him to. He didn't say anything, so I tried to show him my homework like I do when mom's upset.

But he…he just…ripped my book in half, and said that everything's my fault. Then he told me to grow up when I started crying. He's destroyed all of my work.

I've just had a look in my mirror and my cheeks starting to go red as well as stinging like hell.

This isn't fair, nobody else's parents seem to get angry or shout or rip their homework up.

Mom's calling me for dinner but dad will see I've been crying and probably get mad. Mom's gonna ask me what's wrong. I'll tell her that somehow I managed to rip my school book up.

_I often wonder why I carry all this guilt_

_When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built_

_Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door_

_Echoes of a broken child screaming please no more_

_Daddy don't you understand the damage you have done_

_For you it's just a memory but for me it still lives on_

**Dear diary,** Dad bought me a new notebook today so I can copy my school work across. Scampi did it if anyone asks me.

There was a really old film on earlier which we sat and watched together. I guess it was nice. But strange, kinda like it was fake, but it might have just been my imagination. Dad was sober and stayed awake all night which was a surprise.

Maybe he's trying to calm down, for mom's sake. She's as on edge as ever, even when dad says something nice she's worried what will happen. I always catch her smoking in the backyard, talking on the phone.

_It's not easy to forget, all the marks you left along her neck_

_When I was thrown against cold stairs_

_And everyday afraid to come home in fear of what I might see next_

**Dear diary, **So much for calming down, he's shouting again and this time it sounds like mom is standing up for herself. She fights back a lot more which winds dad up even more. My ears are hurting from having my volume on my walkman up to the maximum, but it's the only way to block them out.

I got another certificate in science today because I got 100 in all three of our end of module tests for the semester. I never got round to showing mom that article but Mr. Matthews found it interesting.

As normal I stayed behind after class to help pack up the equipment (it beats going home) and he told me all this stuff that I never knew about DNA and fingerprints and stuff. It sounds so cool; I'll ask mom if she can take me to the library in town on the weekend.

_**Later…**_

Well I asked mom about the library and dad said no, that I'd have to get a bus because "You know that I have to use your mom's car because mine is at the shop, so stop pestering me." So guess what? They're arguing again, no doubt about me. I don't understand what I've done that makes my dad hate me so much.

**Dear diary,** Mom's told me to pack my stuff up; she wants to leave before dad gets home. I don't understand what's going on. All I know is that mom looked scared, more than any of the other times. I asked her where we were going and she said something that sounded like "anywhere", but she was rushing around so I didn't hear her properly. I think she's scared of dad.

I am.

But if mom wants to leave, dad can't do anything to stop her that he hasn't already done.

Can he?

Oh no. He's home.

_Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same_

_And I still remember how you kept me so afraid_

_Strength is my mother for all the love you gave_

_And every morning that I wake I look back at yesterday_

_And I'm ok._

_-----------------------------_

I figured that seeing as Sara has been described as a loner in her teens that she would need something like a diary to confide in. I wanted to keep a sense of naivety about the situation, but still keep it very realistic. Please, please R&R this chapter because I really wanted to get this one right and I hope I've done that. –x-


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer- I do own CSI…only joking! I'm not linked with it whatsoever, but one day I will make my move. Mwwwhaahaaa!

Chapter 13- For better or worse

He sipped the coffee slowly and glanced at his phone. _Should I ring her?_ He shook his head and put the phone away. He drummed his fingers on the desk and pulled the photo yet again from his wallet where he had now placed it to keep it safe.

He stared intently at her face. It was full of joy. And love. He knew it was taken just after he had asked Sara to join him at his mothers for Christmas.

He laughed dryly to himself as he remembered Sara sitting with his mother in the living room trying to have a conversation using the sign language he had taught her in the days beforehand.

His mother's eyes had lit up at the effort Sara was putting in, even if it hadn't made much sense. His mother had spent the hour before dinner kindly correcting Sara and reprimanding her son for not being a better teacher.

After he remembered to tell Sara that his mother could read lips, she had relaxed and chatted to her with ease. He had gone to the kitchen for another drink and had heard an interesting sound coming from the dining room. He had returned to find both his mother and Sara in hysterics. To this day, he had never managed to squeeze it out of them what they had been laughing at, but he knew from their united secrecy that it was about him.

He took another sip and smiled sadly. Catherine wandered past the door, and then doubled back.

"I didn't know you were doing overtime?"

"Neither did I till I couldn't get to sleep." Her eyes widened.

"You mean you actually got to GO home? What's it like? It's been so long since I last saw mine. You should have stayed there; you'll never get the chance to leave now." He smiled at her and put the photo away discreetly.

Catherine stood there, silently studying his face.

"How's the migraine?" She asked, unable to keep quiet any longer. He looked at her and laughed.

"It's gone. I didn't even realise. I guess that two hours of sleep was good for something." She took a seat.

"What I wouldn't give for two hours of sleep." She leant over, took his coffee and drained it in one. He looked at her incredulously. She grinned, and then became serious.

"You heard from Sara?" He opened his mouth to reply, then shook his head.

"I expect she's busy sorting stuff out." He looked away, hoping Catherine wouldn't notice he was lying. He knew that if he told her Sara had phoned, she would pester him to reply.

"You got any idea when the funeral is?"

He shook his head truthfully this time. _The funeral. I didn't even think…she carried on as normal, so I did the same. I didn't see it. Why didn't I see it? What sort of person doesn't see when their partner is upset and sees their pain?_

His eyes cast downward. _I'm that person. I should have seen it._

_------------------------------------_

She placed her diary on the bed; it had obviously remained hidden under her mattress. Her bedroom had stayed exactly as it was the day she was taken away. Her first microscope placed prominently on her desk, her teenage clothes still hung in the wardrobe.

She walked across the room to a large piece of card that had been tacked to the wall. Various pictures, photos and souvenirs were taped or pinned to it. As she studied it, she noticed a patch that hadn't faded, where something had once been stuck. She knelt down and slid her hand delicately behind the desk. She found the edge of something and pulled it gently from its hiding place.

She was looking at the back of it, which was blank. Hesitantly she turned it over. She stepped backwards and sat on the edge of the bed.

It had faded a lot from the sun, but it was still visible. It was a lengthy article about a scientist who studied bugs. She moved her thumb from the edge and saw Grissom's younger self looking back at her.

Her hand shook as she turned the door handle and opened the door to her parent's old room.

A cold draft swept over her, making her body shudder. She stepped slowly into the room.

She stood facing the bed and felt 13 years old again, looking across from her mother still clutching the knife to the bed where her father's lifeless body oozed dark, sticky blood from the stab wounds in his chest.

Though it was no longer there, Sara could still see the cast off across the wall, her father's life smeared into the wallpaper.

Her stare lingered on the crisp bed sheets, used a long time ago to soak up lies, hurt, anger and pain. She knelt down, and found a cushion resting on the chair near the dressing table.

She sat fully on the floor, the cushion clung tightly to her chest and cried openly and loudly, finally releasing 22 years worth of bottled up emotions in to the room.

----------------------------------

He continued to sit in contemplative silence. Catherine sat awkwardly, wondering if Grissom was aware that for the past 15 minutes she had been there and that she was still sitting in front of him.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, yet again unable to bear the awkward silence. He woke out of his daze and rubbed his chin. He began to reply, but was interrupted by his phone buzzing on his desk. He looked from the phone to Catherine hastily.

He was relieved to find that it was just a text message and not a phone call that could be awkward to answer if Sara was at one end and Catherine listening with him at the other.

He frowned. _Three messages? _He opened the phone and once again his breath caught in his throat. The sender was Sara. Each message was titled the same- _Trilogy_.

He opened the first which was a photo of what looked like Fishermans Wharf. Beneath it was one single letter- _I_.

He opened the next which contained a photo of San Francisco bay, this time the word _miss_ was typed underneath.

His heart thumped hard in his chest as he opened the final message. It was a photo of the Golden Gate bridge with the simple word _you –x- _displayed underneath.

His mouth hung open and he felt like his heart had actually decided to give up beating. Catherine watched him with confusion.

"Gil, you ok?" His mind flashed back to the night he sat out in the parking lot with Sara. It seemed like weeks had gone by, but it had only been 2 days. He lifted his head quickly and walked towards the door suddenly.

"I'll be right back." He called over his shoulder. Catherine was left by herself.

"Don't worry 'bout me."

There were so many thoughts in her head that a moment's peace was a blessing. The main one being that Grissom had taken Sara's departure worse than she originally first thought. That moment in the locker room had been the revelation that practically the whole lab had second guessed but no-one had proved.

_She left this morning without a word._

She gave a knowing shake of her head. She stopped. _This is all fine till it does become public knowledge. Then there's gonna be trouble. _She closed her eyes sadly.

_He doesn't stand a chance._

He reappeared with a computer printout. He glanced across at Catherine and frowned. She seemed to be asleep. He leant closer and her eyes opened slowly. She jumped slightly in surprise.

"Maybe it's you that should go home?" He suggested, looking concerned.

"I'm fine; I just didn't hear you come back. Look Gil, I need to talk to you about something." He leant back in his chair into his conversational pose.

"Ok."

She looked at her friend's face and noticed how much younger he looked. She could still see the stress just below the surface, but there was also a new sparkle in his blue eyes.

She knew why.

Sara.

What she had to tell him would have to be heard sooner or later. Catherine looked again at her friend's face. She looked away.

_But not now._ There was sadness but also hope in his eyes and being a friend took priority over being the "tell it like it is" work colleague. She realised he was still watching her, his mouth open slightly in puzzlement.

"You know what, it can wait." She gave a small smile.

"Oh. Ok." He raised an eyebrow at her then grabbed the phone off the base and punched in the number. It rang several times before eventually being answered.

"San Francisco crime lab, how may I assist your call?"

"I'd like to be put through to Paige Taylor please."

-------------------------------

Hope you're still liking this, it might seem like it's not going anywhere fast, but there is a lot of big Sara scenes coming up. I love the idea of Sara sending Grissom photo messages, my imagination began to run away with me, but I resisted! Lol You'll see why later on. –x-


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer- I have just been told that I don't own any part of CSI. Guess I'd better go cancel that order of business cards I was getting printed up! Lol –x-

Chapter 14- Sweet and sour

Being early spring, it was getting dark by the time she finally left the house. She walked back to Paige's car and jumped inside. She turned the heater on and twisted the dial as high as it would go.

She placed the article and photos inside her diary and put it on the passenger seat.

She took one last look at the house before switching the ignition on and pulling out on to the lamp lit street. She settled herself in for the long drive back to San Francisco and as she turned the corner at the end of the street, she knew she had turned her back on the house for good.

------------------------------

The dishes were laid out in front of them and Sara and Paige began to separate it between them.

"So, what's it like being a supervisor?" Sara asked, taking a mouthful of vegetables.

"Oh, you know, much the same as a regular CSI." Paige tapped her food unenthusiastically. Sara looked at her friend with concern.

"What's wrong Paige?"

"Well, it's not that I'm not grateful for the promotion, 'cause I am. It's just…well; I guess I always thought that I'd have been a bit older. And…"

"You would have been with Alex." Sara finished. Paige nodded.

"I know it's stupid to still be hanging on to something for so long;" Sara looked away hoping that she wasn't blushing "but when I was with Alex, I just thought that that was it, you know? That I would be with him for the rest of my life. I never expected him to just leave." Sara's cheeks began to redden, but she kept her composure.

"I never expected him to leave either. And I'm his sister. Has he ever said anything to you?" Paige shook her head.

Sara never understood the relationship that Paige had with her foster brother Alex. Sara had introduced them to each other at her 25th birthday dinner.

After 2 years of dating and practically living together in Paige's apartment, Alex left abruptly and moved to Florida where he was currently living.

But the part of it that she didn't quite get was that Alex had remained in contact with Paige, and they spent many hours on the phone, talking just like old friends.

_I can hardly criticize their relationship; at least they talk to each other. And it's my fault that we don't._

Her shoulders slumped slightly but Paige hadn't noticed.

"Oh, you know Alex, if there's something he doesn't wanna talk about, one way or another you'll know it." Sara had to laugh to herself. Different parents, same personality traits.

"I'm sure he'll see sense Paige. Eventually." She took a sip of beer.

"Sometimes I just think that I'll up and leave like he did. Get a new job, a new life. I mean why should my life stay on hold for him? How much longer will I have to wait?" Paige shrugged her shoulders exasperatedly and began to nibble on a prawn cracker.

"If you love him Paige, you'll be waiting for forever, even if you don't realise it." This time Paige noticed the sadness in Sara's eyes. She looked across at her friend suspiciously.

"You seem to know a lot about love and relationships. What gives?" Sara smiled innocently.

"I've just seen way too many of those slushy romantic movies. All those happy endings, soul mates and "perfect men". Load of crap." She shrugged her shoulders. Paige speared some chicken from her chow mein with her fork. She took a slow breath.

"Sara I think I've known you long enough to be able to tell when something's wrong."

"It's just all this stuff with my mother. It's getting to me." She looked away hastily. Paige leant back in her chair.

"You know I used to work with this quiet little girl a few years ago. She loved science, it was what gave her self confidence; she would be a completely different person. She used to tell me all about these lectures that she had been to and all about this speaker" she leant forward conspiratorially "which between you and me I think she had a thing for". She leant back again.

"You know it's funny 'cause she used to have the exact same expression that you've got at the moment. And I'd know, without a doubt that every single time it was 'cause she was thinking of him." She gave a small smile and tilted her head at Sara. Sara's mouth dropped open slightly, and then she returned the smile. Paige became serious.

"So what do you think happened to her?" Sara bit her lip.

"Well, I'm guessing she moved to Las Vegas because she was asked there by this man that she had a thing for. She spent many years trying to get his attention and yet at the same time, trying to convince herself that it might not work out. Then he finally sees what she's seen for all those years," Paige's eyes widened in surprise "and they spend most of their time together.

One day she finds out some tragic news about her mother and decides to leave as soon as possible to sort things out. She stupidly decides not to tell this man because she's so used to being alone that she still feels like she has to face these things by herself. She goes to San Francisco, still aware she's turning her back on Gris…him. And she's been torn up inside ever since 'cause she knows how difficult it was for him to trust her and their relationship, and that she's now completely destroyed that.

And that I might never be able to hold his hand or hug him because every single touch fills him with self doubt. I may have just destroyed the best thing I've ever had and lost the trust of the man I love." She paused. "That's what I reckon." Sara tried to cough back the sobs and laugh it all off to no effect, and the customers around them began to look at her, all with concerned expressions.

A waiter approached silently and left just as swiftly, a glass of water and a few tissues having now appeared on their table. Paige took Sara's hand and bit her lip. She was expecting rejection from crushes, not full blown relationships and the word love being said by her best friend.

"Honey, I dunno what to say." Passing judgement on the problems Sara could face at work sat squarely in the forefront of her mind. But it wasn't the time.

"I don't know what Gil Grissom is like, you obviously do. Maybe he understands why you did this?" Sara shook her head.

"I left some messages on his cell. No reply. Oh I know Grissom alright. Something goes wrong or bad and he buries himself in work and ignores it."

"He's probably backed up with work. That and the fact he's working graveyard shift and you're not; it makes it difficult to know when to call." Sara nodded, deep in thought.

"There is one more thing." Paige looked directly at Sara, who was frowning.

"You haven't given up on him since you've known him. Maybe you shouldn't give up on him now either." Sara nodded confidently and stifled a yawn.

"Do you mind if we go? It's been a long day and I'm still not used to being awake when the sun's up!" Paige smiled.

_She wants to go back and think about all of this. _She beckoned the waiter who soon returned with the check.

"We'll walk to my place and I can pick up the car." Sara dug a crumpled twenty from her combat trouser pocket and placed it on the tray.

"Thanks." _I need to think about all of this. I'd better buy some coffee. It's gonna be a long night._

They grabbed their bags and coats, Paige linking her arm through Sara's.

-------------------------------

They walked in silence, Sara looking in the doorways of the shops and restaurants of China Town, Paige restraining her tongue from blurting out the sentences that she was trying so desperately to word sensitively in her mind.

"I've gotta ask you Sara. Your relationship with Grissom is not as…conventional as most relationships are. Have you thought about what could happen when the people at work find out? Particularly Conrad Ecklie?" _So far, so good._

Sara unlinked her arm.

"Of course I have." She mumbled. Paige had stopped walking causing Sara to turn around. In the dim lamp light she could see Paige's raised eyebrow.

"Really? 'Cause you don't seem too bothered. In an ideal world he'll accept it and life will carry on as normal. But you know how unlikely that is." Sara shuffled uncomfortably.

"Well I'm sure if me and Grissom talk to him…" Paige continued to talk over her.

"And the worst case scenario? There are two options- transfer or fired. He won't ask Grissom, he's the face of the crime lab. He contributes to forensics with all his bug knowledge and he's been there for years. You've told me so many times about your arguments with suspects, the people you work with, including Ecklie. It won't be a hard choice. Can't you see it Sara? He's been looking for a reason to get rid of you. And you're giving him one." Sara looked deeply offended and hurt by Paige's comments. She threw her hands up in the air angrily.

"You know you've stood there and listed all of Grissom's achievements, but when it comes to me, the person who was supposedly your best friend, you can't come up with one single moment when you were proud of the work that I've done. It must've been a relief for you when I moved to Vegas. I mean, one- you didn't have to work with someone who was a bit unpredictable because she was passionate and actually gave a shit about the victims and the cases. And two- you didn't have someone hanging around you that obviously didn't do any work, didn't contribute anything to the lab, didn't work all the hours that were available and whose time in San Francisco meant absolutely nothing to you except a load of grief." She pulled her coat around her tightly and shoved her hands in her pockets.

"You know what; I'm obviously not good enough to be around you. I'll walk back; at least I'll be spared even more criticism." She walked briskly up the hill, slumped and dejected.

"Sara! Sara please, I'm sorry! Sara!" Paige sighed and murmured to herself

"Well done Paige. Another situation handled badly."

----------------------------------

This one's quite long for one of my chapters, but I really love writing arguments, all your stress and pent up aggression comes out! Lol, it's like a punch bag! –x-


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. There are also references to Disney World and the Magic Kingdom (it sounds odd, but it does make sense when you read the chapter) so I **also** do not own any part of Disney either, just to save my butt! –x-

Chapter 15- A day for surprises

"WHAT?" Warrick exclaimed. Catherine nodded her head slowly as a reply.

"Dude I told you it was something to do with Sara." Nick commented to Warrick.

"How did you find out?" Greg asked.

"Well from the things that I was told, it was pretty obvious."

"What happens now?" Warrick asked.

"Well Grissom's spoke to Ecklie apparently. So I guess Ecklie's sorting it out."

"Brilliant." Nick muttered unenthusiastically "just what we need." Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Look, it just means we'll have to pull together as a team and support each other." Greg nodded his head in agreement and Warrick remained silent. Nick looked at them all in turn.

"I dunno about you guys, but now that we know what's going on, I think we should do something for Sara. You know, show her that we're here for her. I'm not forcing ya, but y'all welcome to join in if y'all want."

------------------------------

She rubbed her eyes tiredly, and yawned. She hadn't got much sleep last night and after ignoring the phone in her room ringing non-stop for 15 minutes, she had finally answered it and as expected had heard Paige's voice, apologetic and full of regret. They had spoke for several hours about a lot of things, but mainly about the point that Paige had been trying to get across at the restaurant, to no effect. Their talk had forced Sara to analyze her situation, causing new and worrying thoughts to enter her mind. She had tossed and turned all night, her brain refusing to relax and had woken yet again with nightmares.

Now she was sitting on the edge of her bed trying to rationalize her fears. There was a soft knock on the door. She opened it and saw her fresh faced friend grinning insanely back at her. She looked at Sara's expression and her smile faltered.

"Sara I really am…" Paige began but Sara interrupted.

"We talked about all of this last night. We can forget about it all now." Paige smiled and squeezed Sara's hand tightly. The grin returned to her face.

"Look what I found lurking in my office." She stepped out of the way and Sara gasped.

"Alex." The young man in the doorway grinned.

"Hi sis." He entered the motel room and Sara walked forward to embrace her brother warmly.

"Look at my little sister all grown up and a CSI!" He laughed, pinching her cheek affectionately.

"What are you doing here?" Was all she could muster. He smiled warmly.

"Same thing you are. Paige rang me and told me about Laura. I'm so sorry Sara." She looked at Paige whose cheeks had reddened, her eyes concentrating intently on the carpet. Alex pointed out the door.

"Wanna get some breakfast? I haven't eaten anything properly since Sanford airport!" Sara nodded, grabbing her bag and followed him, closing the door. She stopped and turned, aware that Paige had remained where she was.

"You not coming?" She asked softly. Paige shook her head and smiled kindly.

"No, I've got people to supervise and you've got things to catch up on." Sara smiled appreciatively at her friend.

"Meet us at Tarantino's at one for lunch, k?"

Paige took a split second glance at Alex waiting patiently.

"Wouldn't miss it."

---------------------------------

The waitress bustled along with her overflowing tray. She set it down and topped their mugs up with the steaming jug. She left it with them and continued to serve her ongoing stream of customers.

Sara and Alex ate their pancakes in silence. She kept making small glances in his direction, until she finally became impatient.

"She was really crushed when you left. She still is." He looked up and frowned.

"Who?"

"Don't gimme that, you know who. You meant a helluva lot to Paige, you still do. Then you just upped and left…" she paused "without. A. Word." The voice in her head was yelling 'hypocrite!' at her but she ignored it.

"We talked about it, but she wasn't ready to move."

"At 29, I didn't think you were till you packed up your stuff and left us behind for Florida. What happened, your dream of visiting the Magic Kingdom kick in did it?" She smirked.

"I left for exactly the same reason you did when you left." She frowned.

"I was called to Vegas for an internal investigation."

"You could have come back afterwards."

"I was offered an amazing opportunity."

"Uh-huh. An escape route. Look me in the eyes and tell me that the only reason you left was because that dude in Vegas asked you to stay." It hurt her to be forced to think of Grissom yet again. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and eventually looked away muttering,

"It was the _main_ reason." It was his turn to laugh at their similarities.

"Sara, we might not have had the same parents, but we grew up with the same experiences. Rejection, people forgetting that you're still waiting to be loved, the kids at the home calling you names like "the boy who was abused by his father"."

"The girl whose father was stabbed to death." Sara added, a lump rising in her throat.

"I had too many bad memories of this place. I needed to walk away, drop the names and looks of pity. Prove I could succeed, even if my childhood was dark and bleak." He took Sara's hand across the small table.

"And I know you felt the same. Hell, I loved this city as much as you did and I've missed it as much as you have. But we both needed that fresh start. Yours was Las Vegas, mine was Disney World." She laughed and brushed away the stray tears.

"Well this reunion is going well. We haven't made it past breakfast and I've already got you crying all over your pancakes!"

She smiled at him and he squeezed her hand.

"You walked down the crooked part of Lombard Street yet?" He asked, a childish smile appearing on his face.

"No, but I'm sure we can make a detour on our way to the wharf."

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There you have it, chapter 15 all done and dusted! Enjoy! –x-


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. Oh, I also don't own the song 'I miss you', that's Incubus'. But I love it and it is now my favourite song ever!!

Chapter 16- Lost for words

He glanced at the display on the digital clock tiredly and sat up, stretching his neck.

"Another day." He sighed. He winced as the cramp in his foot began to spread up his leg. He scratched his head, ruffling his hair as he did and glanced at his phone.

_To see you when I wake up_

_Is a gift I didn't think could be real_

_To know that you feel the same as I do_

_Is a three fold utopian dream_

He opened each message and stared at the images. The photos were beautiful, but it was each word that made his breath catch in his throat every time he read them.

_But what should I send back? 'Thanks for the messages'? 'I wish I was there'? 'With you'?_

His shoulders slumped.

_You do something to me, that I can't explain_

_So would I be out of line if I said_

_I miss you_

For a man who solved crimes as a profession, was a naturally logical thinker and did cryptic crosswords in his spare time, Grissom couldn't organise the mess of thoughts that were drowning his waking conscious.

_I see your picture_

_I smell your skin on the empty pillow, next to mine_

_You have only been gone ten days_

_But already I'm wasting away_

He held the fresh steaming coffee between his hands and sighed. He felt like all he was surviving on was coffee and some unknown force that was pushing him to carry on day after day.

He picked up the crossword beside him and tried to ignore the feelings inside of him.

"Ok, 22 down. 'Finish this song title- I left my heart in…' 3, 9." He looked up and rolled his eyes muttering,

"San Francisco."

_I know I'll see you again_

_Whether far or soon_

_But I need you to know that I care_

_And, I miss you_

He felt like he was slowly going insane. It was all because of one little thing. He took a sip of his coffee and yet again glanced at the photos.

"I miss you too Sara."

----------------------------------------------

They walked along the path in silence. The sun had decided to stay behind the clouds for the day and yet again the wind had begun to pick up.

Alex dug his hands deeper in to the pockets in his coat and stared out at the bay that he hadn't seen in all those years. His heart swelled slightly. He took a seat beside Sara on the bench.

"It seemed a bit, tense, back at the motel." He commented.

"Like she hasn't told you the whole story already." She retorted.

"I'm staying neutral in all of this."

"But?" Sara questioned.

"Nothing. I agree with both of you." Sara stared at her brother.

"How?"

"Well if you're happy then that's great and I'm happy for you. But Paige has got a point, even if she isn't brilliant at expressing it eloquently. Every action has a consequence. You gotta think about yours. That's all I'm saying." She turned her head away and remained quiet.

"I forgot about this temperamental weather. I got used to spending weekends on sunny beaches in the Keys or Orlando. I guess it's pretty different from Las Vegas as well huh?" She nodded her head.

"Still, I'd pick this over Miami beach any day." He continued. She nodded her head again. He bit his lip, unsure of what to say next. He ran his hand through his sun streaked auburn hair and smiled.

"Janet's really proud of you. Every time I send her an email, I tell her what you're up to." She stared at him in shock. She was surprised that he was still in touch with their foster mom. Sara hadn't kept in contact with her for several years. She had always convinced herself that she had just been too busy with work to sit down and write a letter or email. She knew the stark reality though. As Alex had said over breakfast, Sara left San Francisco to escape her past, and however much she cared about Janet; she was still part of it. She had sent birthday and Christmas cards, but they only contained obligatory greetings and not the emotion she felt inside.

"I'll have to get her email address off you before you go back." She spoke quietly. He smiled.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that actually…"

---------------------------------------------

He indicated and pulled over on to the roadside. He stepped out of the car and stretched his legs. He grabbed his camera and locked the car. He trekked across the vast space.

He crouched down and began snapping away at the scene around him. A smile came to his lips as the memory of that summer afternoon that he had spent with Sara doing the 'High noon' standoff with their cameras came into his mind. He swiveled the peak of his cap to the back of his head and put his eye back to the lens.

He placed his camera on the passenger seat and hit the power button on the stereo. He didn't recognize the music as his own.

"Must be Sara's." He muttered, turning it up slightly. He restarted the song, as it had been played halfway through when he had switched the CD player on. He leant back in his seat and listened to the song intently.

He fished his phone out of his pocket resolutely. He searched for a signal then began to type in the number he could now memorize by heart.

"'Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today'. I hope they're right." He muttered before hitting the call button.

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She watched her brother over the top of her soup. He was the same as he ever was, the storyteller, the one with all the jokes, and always smiling. She watched him chat animatedly with Paige and could see the amount of joy he was trying to conceal.

He was still in love with Paige. Sara had always suspected he had been, and now watching him, it was definite.

"This is great chowder. Good choice on the restaurant sis." Alex remarked. Sara glanced at Paige who giggled. He looked between the two women confused.

"It's my favourite restaurant." Paige replied, and Sara raised an eyebrow at her brother who mouthed a silent "oh".

Paige turned to order another jug of water from a nearby waiter and Sara whispered quickly,

"She loves the Mona Lisa as well."

"Thanks." He mouthed and smiled at Sara. She smiled and continued with her soup.

They're gonna be so happy together.

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Like I say, I love 'I miss you' and I thought it was perfect for a Grissom scene, and there you have it! I know it seems like both Sara and Grissom are having a rough time of it at the moment, but have faith, and keep reading! -x-


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Nothing. Nada. Ok, you get the picture! I also do not own the song 'Fight against the hours', that's Lene Marlin's.

Chapter 17- Reflection

She flicked through the TV channels, eventually switching it to standby when she couldn't find anything to hold her interest. She picked up her phone and switched it on. The main screen began to load, but then flashed and became blank. She tried it again with the same result. She rooted through her suitcase for her charger but was unsuccessful.

"I left it at work." She sighed to herself, tossing her phone on to the bed of unworn clothes in her case.

_I'm here, sitting in a bed_

_In a place where I don't feel at home_

_Where are you, I sure don't know why_

_You haven't called me, you promised you would_

_The phone must be broken, it has to be broken_

_I'm sure there's a reason, say there's a reason_

She took a seat by the table and pulled back the curtain. Rain had begun to drizzle down the window. She looked out at the city and a smile came to her lips. At that very moment across town, her brother was proposing to Paige at the Mona Lisa with a violinist and a restaurant full of customers as witnesses.

She turned to face into the room and looked at the empty space. The smile fell from her lips and she rubbed the tops of her arms, as a comforting gesture rather than for warmth.

She sat back and sighed. She would have been happy just to be sitting on the bed with Grissom's warm arms wrapped around her at that moment. She had no idea how she would get through tomorrow, the day that she would finally say goodbye to her mother.

_I fight against the hours, I cannot go to sleep_

_I know that if I lay down now, inside I know I'll weep_

_I'm holding on to treasures, to things that just aren't there_

_To people that I used to know, to words I wish to hear_

She walked to the bedside unit and retrieved the hard cover notebook. She sat back at the table and re-read the entries, the memories as fresh as the day that she sat on her lonely bed writing them. What made her feel sick to her stomach was the naivety of the entries. One after the other, describing the events that no child should be put through, written as though they're normal behaviour. But she hadn't seen the truth.

'_Mom uses me as an excuse for them to stop shouting'_

'_I had to think up yet another excuse in class today'_

'_I haven't used the "the dog did it" excuse yet'_

'_Mom managed to trap her hand in the door and break three of her fingers this time'_

'_I'll show it to mom the next time dad drinks himself to sleep'_

'_My cheek's starting to go red as well as stinging like hell'_

'_Dad uses me as an excuse to start drinking'_

'_I don't understand what I've done that makes my dad hate me so much'_

She closed her eyes slowly and after taking a deep breath forced them open. She wiped her eyes against the sleeve of her jumper and grabbed the complimentary pen from the table. She opened the book to a fresh page and jotted down the date.

_**Dear diary/mom and dad…**_

_I'm here, thinking only of you_

_Wish to know, if I need to go_

_And I try, I swear to you that I try_

_But you haven't called me, you promised you would_

_The phone must be broken, it has to be broken_

_I'm sure there's a reason, say there's a reason_

By the time she had finished the entry tears were once again streaming her face. She ripped the pages out, folded them up and placed them in her bag. She closed the curtain and retreated to the bed. She lay down in a foetal position. She pulled Grissom's red shirt that she had been using as a night dress to her. She buried her face in it, as though he were there hugging her to his chest, comforting her from the pain.

But he wasn't there. But the pain was. She sobbed aloud in to the empty room

"Why can't my life have a happy ending?"

_I'm thinking about you, wondering about you_

_Do I really know you? Have I ever known you?_

_I fight against the hours, I cannot go to sleep_

_I know that if I lay down now, inside I know I'll weep_

_Guess I'm holding on to treasures, to things that just aren't there_

_To people that I used to know, to words I wish to hear._

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I hope you enjoy this chapter! It took me for like forever to find an appropriate song for this chapter! I looked through every CD in our house and tons of lyrics on the net! It's a great song, so if you don't have it, get it. It sounds like something Sara would listen to. –x-


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. If I did, Grissom would spend the episode in a tux, without the beard but with his glasses on. Oh yeah, that would be sweet. drools

Chapter 18- Fear of the unknown

He padded down the hallway quickly. He asked for some assistance and then continued on down the corridor. He reached the room and looked through the small window. He took a deep breath and entered the room.

----------------------------

He sat nervously, watching the frail woman in the bed sleeping. Her body rose and fell with heavy and rasping breaths. He looked at all of the various machines, and the tubes that were connecting her to them. A doctor entered, smiling sympathetically at Grissom and after checking the vital signs prepared to leave the room.

"Doctor?" He followed her to the door.

"Is she going to be ok?" She looked grim.

"Mr Grissom, there is some serious damage to her lungs, which is why she has the respirator. She's also lost a lot of blood. We can try and extract the bullet, but it may cause haemorrhaging. If we leave the bullet, it could disrupt other systems in her body and it could be fatal." She sighed sadly.

"As power of attorney, this responsibility and decision is yours and yours alone Mr Grissom." He nodded slowly.

"I want you to operate."

-------------------------------

He stood once again outside of the room, watching her unconscious body. A nurse appeared by his side.

"Can I go and sit with her?"

"We've given her a lot of sedatives to help her to sleep and to help with the pain. She'll be very drowsy and might not even wake up for quite a while. Just try not to disturb her." He nodded and re-entered the room.

He pulled the chair closer and sat next to the edge of the bed. He studied her small hand which was hooked up to an intravenous drip. Her fingers closed over her palm and her eyes opened groggily. She gave a small smile.

"Hi." Grissom gave a small sigh of relief.

"Gil, I'm so glad you're here." He took hold of her outstretched hand and held it gently. Her eyes continued to open and close, still drawing deep breaths from the mask over her nose and mouth.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Like I've been shot. Other than that, not too bad." He gave a small laugh.

"Do you mind if we talk about something else? All I've seen are doctors and nurses rushing around me. I want to hear about something normal. Talk to me about a case you're working on or something." He shifted in the chair, attempting to make himself comfortable.

"Ok."

Her eyes were closed, her hand still encompassed by his. His eyelids had become heavy and he began to fall in to an exhausted stupor. The drive had been long and he had only stopped a few times. As he began to drift off, the bleeps from the heart rate monitor began to increase in speed. His eyes snapped opened and he looked across at her. Her eyes were shut tightly and she was leaning forward slightly. His eyes widened in fear and he grabbed the call nurse button and jabbed it heavily.

"What's wrong?" He asked her urgently, stroking her hand.

"Pain…in my chest."

"Nurse! We need some help!" He called out.

"Don't leave me." She gasped.

"I've gotta get some help. I have to get the doctor."

"Please don't leave me."

"NURSE, I NEED SOME HELP! NURSE!" He went to let go of her hand and she grabbed it desperately.

"Grissom please don't leave me!"

"Sara they can't hear me. I have to get some help."

"Please don't let go of me. I'm so scared." Her eyes and words were pleading with him.

"I know you are. But I've gotta get some help. I'll be right back, I promise." He let go of her hand and rushed out of the room.

---------------------------------------

He held her hand as she was rolled down the corridor on the stretcher. Tears ran down his face and she squeezed his hand.

"I'll be ok honey. Trust me." She whispered. He looked down at her pale face and nodded his head.

----------------------------------------

He paced up and down in the corridor. He hated the waiting but most importantly he wanted to know she was ok. He longed to see her perfect face and hold her hand again. The O.R door opened and the surgeon appeared, his scrubs covered in blood. Sara's blood. He walked up slowly to Grissom.

"She suffered severe internal bleeding. We did everything we could but…I'm sorry." Grissom's mouth opened slightly and a distressed sigh escaped from his lips.

"I want to see her."

"Mr Grissom, I understand you're in shock, but I advise you not to go in there."

"Sara is dead!" He shouted angrily at the surgeon. He took a deep breath.

"I would like to say goodbye to my wife." He walked around the surgeon and walked in to the O.R.

He stood by her body. A sheet covered her from the neck down; she looked like she was sleeping. He placed his fingers delicately on her still warm lips. He picked up her hand as he had done in the hospital room. He looked at the blood on her hands, some of it now transferred to his own.

His brow deepened and new creases appeared across his forehead.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a phone began to sing happily and loudly to alert him of an incoming call. His eyes snapped open wide with shock and he blinked slowly so that his eyes would focus properly. He picked up the phone beside him and flipped open the screen quickly.

"Grissom." He replied gruffly, but with a sense of urgency, glancing at one of his hands, expecting to see blood stains.

"Oh sorry Gil, did I wake you?" Catherine apologized.

"No honestly, it's fine. What's up?"

"Well I've got a message from Greg to say that Brass arrested Robert, is it? On the case you were working with him."

"Oh, oh right. Thanks."

"How are things your end? Did you sort everything out? You left so quickly at the end of the shift; I didn't have a chance to talk to you."

Grissom was glad that Catherine couldn't see him; it was a lot easier to lie over the phone than in person. It had been easier than he had originally thought to lie to Paige and act as a concerned co-worker who wanted to send Sara their condolences in a card. He knew that if he had told Paige who he was and what he wanted, that it would all get back to Sara and he didn't know how to handle that situation yet. So he had told Paige that he was Nick Stokes. Easy enough, except there was the possibility of Paige still telling Sara, but he had to hope that the fabricated story he had created would hold. From all of it, Grissom had gained the information he wanted and could then consider a plan or actions to take from there.

"Tomorrow, the funeral is tomorrow." He replied.

"Oh right."

Grissom tried to stifle his yawn, but it echoed down the phone.

"Have you gotten any sleep yet?" Catherine asked, concerned.

"When I can, but I've been pretty busy."

"You've gotta sleep, otherwise you'll burn out. You know that better than anyone." He smiled.

"I know, I know. Look, I've gotta go."

"Ok, see ya later." She had barely finished when he snapped the phone shut and tossed it on to the chair. He slid down further in the seat and pulled his jacket around him, making himself comfortable. He sat in silence, spreading his hands wide and examining them closely.

"Damnit." His eyes filled with tears of shock and he shook his head, the vividness of his nightmare once again alarming him. He shuddered and rested his head to one side, staring ahead in to the void.

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Hope I didn't give you guys too much of a shock with this chapter, but it came to me all of a sudden in a dream last night…well, I had a brainwave. You're probably all yelling "leave the poor guy alone!" at the screen, but this will be all worth it in the end. _Trust me_. –x-


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. And after the previous chapter, you're all probably glad that I don't have that sort of power! Lol –x-

Chapter 19- A day of mourning

There was a knock on the door and Sara glanced at her watch. Paige was early. She opened the door and a young man stood before her.

"Are you Miss Sidle?"

"Yeah I am." He produced a clipboard which he gave to her. He reached in to the hall and returned holding a large bouquet of cream and deep red flowers.

"You need ta sign for these." He explained, chewing noisily on his gum. She scribbled a barely legible signature and took the bouquet nervously. She closed the door and placed the flowers on the table. She pulled the small card with the Interflora logo on the back out.

"Dear Sara, we're all thinking about you at this difficult time. Love Cath, Greg, Warrick, Nick and Jim." She gave a small smile and re-read the card. There was no mention of Grissom.

"I guess that's it then."

There was another knock on the door and she rushed to open it. This time it was Paige.

"Wow, great flowers." She took a small glance at Sara and asked lightly

"Are they…"

"No, they're not; they're from the rest of the guys I work with." She handed Paige the card. Silence filled the room.

"Oh." Was all Paige managed to squeak. She gave a small cough.

"So we should probably get going, the traffic's starting to build and we don't wanna be late. I've still gotta pick Alex up." Sara nodded grabbing her room key, phone and purse and shoving them in to her bag. Paige handed the card back to Sara who placed it on the table. She picked up the flowers. Paige frowned and Sara shrugged,

"Mom needs them more than I do. The guys will understand. Besides, she was always the flower lover; I prefer small plants and things."

She took a seat beside Paige and immediately noticed the wires splaying from the cigarette lighter.

"Just move the charger if it's getting in your way." Paige commented. Sara pulled her phone out and gave a laugh of disbelief.

"My battery went flat last night and I forgot my charger. I dunno why I even brought my phone out. Habit I guess." She attached her phone and pressed the power button. It still wouldn't switch on.

Paige indicated off the road and pulled into the parking lot of the motel.

"Sometimes my phone has to charge for a little while before it works again. Probably best to leave it till we get to the church. I'll just get Alex." She jumped out of the car and disappeared. Sara sighed disappointingly to herself.

--------------------------------------

She stepped out of the car and put her hood up quickly, the phone in one hand, the flowers in the other.

"Typical." She muttered under her breath as the rain continued to soak everything in sight. She awkwardly pulled her coat around her tighter, and Alex arrived at her side covering her with his umbrella.

"Remind me again why I'm leaving the east coast for this?" He whispered, smiling. She hit him playfully on the arm, pulling her hood down. Paige joined them and they walked in silence, Sara biting her lip hoping that tears wouldn't fall. She pressed the power button on her phone and after much deliberation, it finally decided to load. It began to buzz excitedly in her hand and Sara gasped quietly. She opened the screen up. _1 new voicemail message. _She pressed it hastily and held it up to her ear.

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I know this is a ridiculously short chapter but the next one is quite long and also, I wanted to keep you all in suspense just that little bit longer! MMwwwuuuhaaaaa! –x-


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. I also do not own the song 'Warmer climate', that's Snow Patrol's, they're much better at singing it than me anyway! –x-

Chapter 20-A drizzly day in San Francisco

"Um hi, I wanted to send you a message back after the photos you sent, but you know me, I'm not that good with words when it comes to emotion" she nodded her head in agreement "so I stole some off someone else, hope you'll forgive me."

There was a rustling and then the opening bars of one of her favourite songs started.

_Tell me if I'm going crazy,_

_But everything you said amazed me_

_Seems to easy on the ear to_

_Be something I should adhere to_

_You told me to just simply wonder_

_Rather than take shelter under_

_And open my heart to the thought that_

_Life is something you're not caught at_

Alex turned to say something to Sara, but stopped as her saw her with the phone to her ear and a look of hope and slight desperation on her face. He turned to Paige who looked equally as puzzled and who shrugged her shoulders at him as a reply.

_Too easy to get lost in progress_

_I didn't see you there in that dress_

_Then suddenly the world seems so small_

_We'd fit it all inside our front hall_

_Edison would spin in his grave_

_To ever see the light that you gave_

_Don't want to take it nice and slow here_

_Don't want to waste a minute more dear._

They stood under the porch of the church and watched as a few cars pulled up and several people began to walk their way.

"Who are those people?" Alex asked, turning to Paige. Sara also turned.

"Um, well there are some of Laura's neighbours, a few friends and I guess people just wanting to pay their respects." She shrugged.

_The universe just vanished out of sight_

_And all the stars collapsed behind the pitch black night_

_And I can barely see your face in front of mine_

_But it is knowing you are there that makes me fine_

The people passed through the porch, stopping to offer their condolences to Sara. She shook their hands and accepted their condolences, but she couldn't shake off the cold feeling in her stomach. An elderly vicar approached them.

"Miss Sidle, I think we're ready to start the service."

"Oh, ok. I just need a couple of minutes."

"Of course. I'll just wait in the hall." Paige stepped in front of her and held the tops of Sara's arms.

"You ready for this?"

Sara bit her lip nervously.

_Maybe it's the warmer climate_

_Maybe I'm a smarter primate_

_Maybe it's the beer I'm drinking_

_Maybe I've stopped over thinking_

_Baby you're the words and chapters_

_The sweetness in the morning after_

_You are the cry that turns to laughter_

_You're the hope that ends disaster_

Sara looked down at the flowers and sighed. She began to shake her head rapidly.

"No. I can't do this." Paige and Alex both looked concerned.

"Sara what's wrong?" Alex asked. Sara gestured around her.

"This. Me being here. All she did was try to protect me and I just gave up on her. All those people being sympathetic, _I_ didn't sit there with her, or visit her or talk to her. I abandoned her. I have no right to be here." She stuffed the flowers hastily into Paige's arms and went to walk away, the phone no longer at her ear but at her side. In the still graveyard the message could still be heard.

_But the universe is just an empty space_

_And all the stars could disappear without a trace_

_I'm so glad that this has taken me so long_

'_Cause it's the journey that made me so strong._

She turned away from them fully and her phone fell from her hand on to the damp earth. But she hadn't noticed. They looked straight in each other's eyes and she began to walk towards him. She slowed to a stop in front of him and they stood awkwardly, the rain running down their faces.

She walked closer and flung her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"I really wanted you to be here." She said, her voice muffled by his suit jacket. Grissom stood shocked, then put his arms around her gently and smiled warmly.

Paige's eyes widened. Alex picked up the phone then leaned closer to her.

"I'm guessing that's Mr Grissom, her supervisor?" He whispered. She nodded then composed herself, a small smile appearing.

"I'd never do that sort of thing for my CSIs." Alex kissed her cheek and held her hand.

Sara pulled away from him slightly and looked in to his blue eyes. He put his hand up and delicately pulled the wet strand of hair from her face. He stroked her cheek softly and she gave a smile of relief.

He turned to the church and held his hand out. She looked back at the parking lot and then to his caring face. She took his hand and they walked towards the church in silence.

--------------------------------------------

They stood huddled under numerous umbrellas, all of them listening as the vicar finished the service. Sara's hand slipped from Grissom's and she stepped forward. She turned to the vicar.

"I just want to say goodbye." He nodded in understanding and she bent by the graveside.

"You always wanted me to be the best I could be and you always saw the hope in my life. I hope you're as proud of me as I am of you. Because I got my strength, my determination and my heart from you. Bye mom."

She pulled out the notepad sheets from her bag and tossed them into the grave. She stood and turned, her body shaking from heavy sobs. Grissom walked forward and she once again clung to him. He cupped the back of her head with one hand and rubbed her back with the other.

"It's ok Sara, I've got ya."

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There you go, the reunion you've all been waiting for! I've always known that he was gonna turn up unexpected at the funeral; it was just so difficult writing small scenes that don't give away where he is! Hope you enjoy it. –x-


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. Ok, move along folks, nothing to see here.

Chapter 21- A silent storm

She stared grimly out as the rain continued to pound the window. It hadn't stopped raining since the funeral two days ago. The dread and nerves in her stomach had increased ten fold. She sighed and pursed her lips in thought.

He lowered his book and was surprised to see that Sara looked miserable. He marked his place and put the book back on the bedside unit. He shuffled forward to the edge of the bed.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked softly, his head tilted to one side. When she didn't respond, his brow furrowed in concern.

"Sara?" He began, but she cut in immediately.

"Grissom, what do you think's gonna happen when Ecklie finds out about us?" His mouth opened slowly in surprise.

"Hm. Well, I haven't really thought about it."

"That's the problem, we haven't thought about it. We've handled it like every other problem. We've ignored it." His frown deepened and he crouched beside her chair.

"Sara, look at me." He gently guided her cheek so she was facing him.

"You're really upset about this aren't you?" She stood up quickly and he followed.

"Of course I am! As soon as we get back to Vegas Ecklie will have us in his office."

"You don't know that."

"Oh come on Gil, don't kid yourself! You ever taken leave to check on Catherine or the others? I can handle being fired, I'll get another job." She turned her back and bowed her head.

"But I wouldn't be able to handle it if you…" She trailed off. Grissom stood behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off and walked quickly to the door.

"I've gotta get some air."

Grissom stood in silent shock, and then frowned angrily. He grabbed the room key and followed her.

-----------------------------------

She had made it downstairs to the parking lot of the motel when she heard him call out loudly,

"Stop running Sara!" She turned, the rain soaking her clothes as she watched Grissom approach her.

"I didn't drive for two days straight, getting cramp and a stiff neck from sleeping in my car for you to turn your back on me. Again."

"I told you I was sorry for that!" She replied, having to shout over the noise of the rain, surprised at his outburst. He spread his arms wide.

"And yet, here we are again. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then why won't you talk to me?" He had taken a few steps towards her, squinting at her as the rain lashed at his face.

"I've been so stupid. I've been telling myself that everything will be ok because I wanted it to." She admitted.

"Sara, you're not making much sense."

"All I've thought about is how this is affecting me, the consequences I could face." She paused and massaged her forehead with her hand.

"But I didn't think about you. If Ecklie fires you, what will you do? I don't want you to wake up one day and hate me because you've realised that you've made a mistake." He pointed and turned his head to the street and then looked back at her.

"So your answer is to turn your back and walk away?"

"It's for the best." Her voice cracked slightly.

"Best for who Sara? We're standing out in the rain having an argument. It certainly doesn't look like it's the best for either of us."

Her hands balled into fists at her side.

"You've worked too hard at your job and your career for me to ruin it!"

"Life isn't just about work!" He shouted angrily. Sara was taken aback.

"You showed me that." He walked forward to stand in front of her. He sighed sadly.

"I don't wanna fight with you Sara, that wasn't my intention. To be honest, I have no idea what Ecklie's gonna say or do. But I mean, we've been together long enough to show him that we can keep it separate from work." He placed his hands on either side of her face.

"I promise that I will never hate you. And I'll never say that being with you is a mistake. Whatever happens, we'll get through it. Together." He stroked her cheek affectionately with his thumb. She took a deep breath to calm herself and nodded her head slowly.

He stared deep into her brown eyes. His heart began to beat hard in his chest.

"Sara I," He gulped slowly and felt his mouth become dry.

"I think we should go back inside before we both catch pneumonia." He sighed disappointingly and cursed himself silently. He put his arm around her wet shoulders and she rested her head in the crook of his neck, the warmth of her breath comforting him as he guided them back to the room.

------------------------------------------

She sat tapping her nails against the plastic cup impatiently. She crossed one pyjama bottomed leg over the other. There was a click and the front door opened.

"Where have you been? I woke up and you weren't there." She asked. Grissom shrugged innocently.

"This is the first day since I've been here that it hasn't been raining. I decided to take a walk. Besides, now you know what it feels like." He raised an eyebrow and gave a small smile. Sara's mouth fell open slightly and then she began to laugh. He looked her up and down slowly, the smile still playing on his lips.

"I looked everywhere for that shirt, it's my favourite. It would have saved me a lot of trouble if I'd known you'd stolen it."

"_Borrowed_ honey. I _borrowed_ it." She pursed her lips and stood up. She walked towards him and stroked his face.

"You'll get it back soon enough." She sidestepped past him into the bathroom. He leaned in the doorway, still smiling at her. She looked up at him while washing her cup up.

"I still can't believe we've gotta head back tomorrow. If you had thought to take a flight instead of driving here, then we would still have a couple of days left. You know I'm not sleeping in your car right? I'm finding a motel, you can sleep where you like." Grissom gave a small laugh which she replied to with a smile and then a slow sigh. She moved out of the bathroom into the living area.

"You know me; I tend to go for the unconventional method. I guess we'd better make the most of today then. The weather's too good to just sit inside and get depressed. So, I'm gonna grab a shower and then you can show me San Francisco." He called out as he padded into the bathroom. There was a pause.

"Did you steal my shower gel as well?" He asked, laughing.

"Borrowed! I borrowed it!"

------------------------------------------------

I like that chapter, well I like all of my chapters otherwise they wouldn't be in my fanfic! I really liked it that Grissom wasn't gonna let it drop; he was fighting for the relationship. I thought that was kinda sweet. –x-


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer- I do not own any part of CSI. Seriously. No, I'm not joking! –x-

Chapter 22- Strolling round the dock of the bay

She linked her arm with his and cuddled closer to him. She smiled widely to herself, happy that she was finally able to walk around with Grissom in public. Even if it was only for one day. He let out an appreciative sigh at the scenery surrounding them.

"Honey?" She whispered quietly.

"Mm?"

"I have a small favour to ask." His pace slowed and he gave a sideways glance at her before returning his gaze to the wharf.

"Ok." He replied, encouragingly.

"Alex wants to meet up for lunch today, you know, before we go back to Vegas."

"And will Paige be there?" Sara nodded and Grissom took a slow breath.

"She doesn't like me Sara. She was staring at me all through the funeral. She practically had a heart attack when I held your hand." Sara's brain fumbled for words.

"She's only watching out for me. She just has a few, reservations, about our relationship."

"Uh-huh. She doesn't agree with it." She squeezed him arm slightly.

"Well this isn't about getting her approval. This is about you getting to know my brother a bit better." Her cheeks reddened.

"He's really looking forward to meeting you properly. He's er, heard a lot about you."

"Really?" He suppressed a smile.

"Uh-huh." She cleared her throat.

"Besides, once you start talking to Alex, Paige is bound to ask you about the lab. She can't help herself, she's nosy." He shrugged.

"I guess that's lunch sorted. What are we gonna do till then?" Sara looked at his round face, her lips pursed in a small smile. He raised his eyebrow suggestively. She turned, pulling him gently.

"That's what we're gonna do." She replied, pointing at the motorised cable car. She leant closer and whispered softly in his ear.

"You're right; the weather is too good today to just stay inside."

---------------------------------------------

He took a sip from his glass and replaced it nervously. He continued to concentrate intensely on the menu, using it to shield any glances that he may be given by Paige who was seated opposite.

Sara wrapped two of her fingers subtly around his vacant hand which had remained by his glass and squeezed it comfortingly. He gave her a sideways glance and replied with a small smile.

Sara leaned back, relaxing into her chair. Alex had begun to talk to Grissom about San Francisco and Grissom was nodding in interest between mouthfuls of clam chowder. She took a sip of her soup.

"I thought you would have gone for the chowder. You used to eat it by the bucket load." Paige commented, smiling at Sara.

"Well I'm a vegetarian now aren't I?" She replied, breaking off a piece of her roll. Paige looked stunned.

"Since when?" Sara gave Grissom a subtle glance and smiled.

"Since I spent the night with a dead pig. It didn't exactly make me wanna go out and buy a hotdog." The woman on the next table tutted in disgust but she was interrupted as Paige's spoon clattered loudly on to her plate. She turned and looked at Grissom in disbelief.

"No way. It's actually _true_?" He nodded his head slowly.

"Oh man!" She replied, grinning. Grissom looked at Sara in confusion. Alex looked just as puzzled.

"What's wrong Paige?"

"Nothing. This is unbelievable. You hear all these stories and rumours around the lab about these extraordinary cases and experiments that have been done to prove theories. And one of them was that Gil Grissom from the Vegas crime lab once sat out all night to watch and record the details of a pig decomposing to prove the victim's time of death. I never imagined it was _true_." She looked at Sara.

"And you were there as well?" Sara nodded, smiling at her friend's awe. Paige turned back to Grissom.

"So what actually happened? How did it lead to that?"

The corner or Grissom's mouth twitched as he suppressed a smile.

"Well, the body of a woman was found in the mountains…"

--------------------------------------------

He shook hands warmly with Alex.

"It was great to finally meet you…" Alex paused.

"Everybody calls him Grissom." Sara interjected and Grissom nodded his head at Alex. Alex smiled.

"Maybe the next time you visit I'll leave Paige at home. I might actually be able to get a word in!" He laughed and Paige slapped his arm playfully. She planted a kiss on Grissom's cheek, leaving him stunned.

"Yeah next time you're in San Francisco you'll have to come and see the lab. The guys would love to meet you. They'll be sooo jealous that I've had lunch with you. And you." She turned to Sara and hugged her tightly.

"Take care of yourself and er, remember what I said earlier." Sara nodded in understanding.

"I will. I'll let you know." Sara turned to Alex, whose eyes had become watery.

"Must be getting hay fever." He laughed, wiping his eyes. She hugged him warmly and she whispered in his ear,

"I'm really happy for you Alex."

"I'm happy for you too sis. He seems like a good man." She smiled as she saw Grissom over Alex's shoulder smiling affectionately at her.

"He is."

---------------------------------------

"I think Paige has become your friend for life now!" Sara called out from the bathroom as she packed up the toiletries she could. She padded back into the living area.

"Yeah and I made an enemy with the woman on the next table. When I started talking about the different types of bugs and maggots, she nearly threw up in her chowder!" He chuckled lightly. She sat on the bed and shuffled back so that she was propped up on the pillows. Grissom stood up and stretched his neck.

"I've gotta go out for a while. I'll be back soon." Sara frowned.

"What? Where are you going?" He walked over to the bed and perched on the edge. He stroked her cheek and smiled.

"It's a surprise." He lifted her hand and kissed it softly. He smiled again and stood up.

"What am I supposed to do while you're off wandering the streets?"

He shrugged.

"Watch TV? Read a book?" He walked to the door and opened it. He turned back.

"Oh and I'm not wandering, I'm taking the car." He gave a small jerk of his head and closed the door behind him leaving Sara to stare in disbelief by herself.

-------------------------------------------

He unlocked the door and entered silently. He looked at the TV and became intrigued by the documentary that was on. He broke his gaze from the screen and walked across to the bed. He gently extracted the remote from Sara's hand and switched the unit off. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep, when she began to stir. She peered through bleary eyes and gave a small smile at his face looking down at her.

"Hey."

"Hey." He replied, pursing his lips in a smile, a trait he had picked up from her.

"How long have you been gone?" She asked, propping herself back up on the squidgy pillows.

"Only about an hour." He pushed a stray strand of hair from her eyes.

"You ready to go out?" He asked. She frowned and turned the alarm clock on the bedside unit to face him.

"It's after midnight Grissom. I know you're still on Vegas time but I'm not. I've been awake during the day and asleep at night. You should try it sometime."

"You can sleep in the car."

"We've gotta _drive_?" She groaned and turned over, feigning sleep. He leant his arm backwards on to the middle of the bed and leant closer to her.

"You'll like it. Trust me." He kissed her cheek softly. She turned over on to her back so that his face was only inches from hers. She looked into his deep blue eyes and then at the smile that had remained on his lips since she had woken up. She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.

"Oh ok then." His smile widened and he leant back and stood up. He helped her to her feet and she stifled a large yawn.

"I'll get my coat."

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Ok, that was a pretty long chapter, but I had a lot of scenes to cover before the final, yes final, chapter, which is pretty long as well. –x-


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer-I have quite a few "I don't owns" for this chapter. So I don't own:

-Any part of CSI

-"Kermit"- Don't know if that is copyrighted but I don't own it anyway just to save my butt!

-The song 'So Beautiful', that's Darren Hayes' and for him to sing it to me would be…heaven

I think that's about it

-x-

Chapter 23- Daybreak and dream men

_Whether I'm right or wrong_

_There's no phrase that hits_

_Like an ocean needs the sand_

_Or a dirty old shoe that fits_

"This was a great idea." Sara sighed as she cuddled deeper into Grissom's arms. The breeze began to pick up and she pulled the woolly blankets around them tighter. She sat on the grass admiring the bay with awe, the lights of the city around her mirroring the stars above their heads.

"I told you that you would like it."

"Yeah well, from past experience, I've learnt to be dubious." He frowned.

"Past experience?"

"June 26th this year. The Pink Floyd tribute band concert that you got us tickets for. Only, it might have been better if you had checked that I liked them as well." He shrugged.

"Yeah well, I'm going with Al now." Sara laughed.

"The entomologist and the coroner. What a fun night that'll be." Her words triggered something in her memory.

"Oh, speaking of which…"

_And if all the world was perfect_

_I would only ever want to see your scars_

_You know they can have their universe_

_We'll be in the dirt designing stars_

"Look what I dug up." She pulled a piece of paper out of her jeans pocket and passed it behind to him. He opened the article and began to read it. She twisted her head slightly to look up at him.

"I was thirteen when I found that. I found it so odd and kinda cool that there was this "dude" that studied bugs for a living." She paused.

"You know, you've made quite an impression on my life Mr Grissom." She smiled to herself and looked up at the clear night's sky.

"You've made a big impression on my life as well." He whispered.

_And darlin' you know_

_You make me feel, so beautiful_

_Nowhere else in the world I wanna be_

_You make me feel so beautiful_

He passed a cup of thermos coffee to her.

"You've thought of everything!" She laughed.

"I hope so. Too late now if I've forgotten something." He rested his head by her shoulder.

"Would you ever come back here? You know, permanently?" She smiled slightly, it was the one question she had always asked herself but had never answered. Until now.

"No. It's not my home anymore. My home is in Vegas. With you." Grissom bit his lip.

"More coffee?"

_Whether I'm up or down_

_There's no crowd to please_

_I'm like a faith without a clause_

_To believe in it_

"Wow, they're gorgeous."

"I took those in Yosemite. You wouldn't get a view like that in a plane." He pressed the small buttons on his digital camera. His arms wrapped around her. She breathed in deeply. He tilted his head to try and get a better look at her face.

"You ok?" He asked. She nodded and smiled.

"This is all just, perfect. This really was a great idea."

"It was actually your idea." It was her turn to tilt her head. She frowned, trying to dig up conversations or memories. She drew a blank.

"My idea?"

"Uh-huh. When I started talking to Paige about that case I suddenly remembered something you told me." She looked at him with surprise and he laughed.

"I do listen you know! We had sat out all night and as the sun came up you told me that you always used to get up early when you lived in San Francisco just to watch the sun rise. Then you said that since working in Vegas that was the one thing you missed and that,"

"Every sunrise reminds me of San Francisco." She finished, becoming slightly choked up. She sat up and turned to look at him properly, her eyes shining in the moonlight.

"I can't believe you remembered that."

"I remember a lot of things." Sara looked at him with intrigue, his eyes were distant, as though he was personally reliving each moment they had had. She touched his cheek as she had done all those years ago in that side alley. He seemed to wake form his daze.

"No chalk on there this time eh?" He smiled before leaning forward and kissing her softly on the lips.

_And if all the world was smiling_

_I would only ever wanna see your frown_

_You know they can sail away in sunsets_

_We'll be right here stranded on the ground_

_Just happy to be found_

"I have a question to ask you." He stated. Sara's heart began to race.

"Ok."

"What were you and my mother laughing about at Christmas?" Sara sat in shock for a few seconds, and then she started to laugh uncontrollably. Grissom rolled his eyes.

"Well?" He asked impatiently. She calmed herself down, taking deep breaths to stop the hysterics that were just under the surface.

"Well, she was just telling me some interesting stories about you as a kid." She bit her lip, trying to control herself.

Grissom groaned.

"Oh no. What did she tell you?"

"Um well she said that she once came into your room and you had" she began to giggle

"Unscrewed the plug on your lamp because you were trying to jump start a frog." She shook with silent laughter.

"Just to clarify, the frog wasn't any old stray, it was a pet."

"Was that the turning point in your career? You realised you couldn't save Kermit so you cut him open instead? Waste not, want not right?" She grinned.

"Any other stories she told you that you can blackmail me with for the rest of my life?" She turned and grinned at him.

"Aw honey you know I'd never do that to you, I love you." She bit down on her lip as the words came out of her mouth before she could stop them. She turned back slowly and winced, cursing herself silently.

Grissom's heart began to beat fast. _Say it, say it!_

He used his thumb to guide her cheek towards him. He kissed her lips tenderly and staring into her eyes whispered happily

"I love you too."

_I have lost my allusions_

_I have drowned in your words_

_I have left my confusion to a cynical world_

_I am throwing myself at things I don't understand_

_Discover enlightenment holding your hand_

He watched the tide wash in and out as dawn began to break. She lay in his arms sleeping soundly. The few days since the funeral and their argument had been the most blissful of his life and he didn't want the sun to raise its head. Because the dream would end. Reality would set in once again.

His thoughts travelled back once again to Vegas, to dead bodies and decomposing pigs. To blowing up suitcases. To chainsaws and camera quick draws.

_But it's not a dream 'cause it's not about where I am or what I do…_

A smile came to his lips.

"Sara." He whispered, shaking her gently. She opened her eyes and twisted her head to look at him. She smiled and he pointed across the bay, beyond Hyde St Pier and Alcatraz. The sky was covered in pinks and purples like a watercolour painting and the sun was slowly rising on the horizon, still a smudge in the distance.

"It's perfect. This is perfect." She whispered awestruck.

…_But that I'm with her._

_You are…_

_So beautiful_

_Yeah darlin' you know!_

_That you make me feel so beautiful_

He loaded the car up and sat in the driver's seat beside Sara. He looked across and smiled. He frowned.

"I forgot to ask you, what was it that Paige was so secretive about?" Sara smiled.

"She felt embarrassed about everything so I was chosen to ask you. They wanted to invite you to the wedding when they eventually set a date."

"Oh." He replied surprised.

"Yeah, that'll be nice. We can have a proper vacation in San Francisco." He commented.

"Er, that's the thing. It's not gonna be in San Francisco." Grissom looked at her and his eyes widened.

"No. They're not having it in Vegas. You can't have an original wedding in Vegas, it's been done."

"Well, Paige has her heart set on it." She shrugged. He put the keys in the ignition and started the car.

"Yeah well we're going out of state when we get married." He commented. His eyes opened wide and there was silence between the two of them. He glanced at Sara, whose mouth had dropped in surprise. He began to smile and took her slender hand and squeezed it. He grinned.

"Come on, I'll take you home."

-------------The End--------------

And that is the end of my story! I really do hope that you've enjoyed it and thanks for all the feedback you've sent me. It was quite nerve wracking to post a story you've written and wonder if anyone will like it. So thank you. –x-

**Note:** I do have another GSR short story in the pipeline, so you'll see more from me soon! –x-


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